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I tend to prefer the feminine and androgynous part of the gender scale in people of either sex. My feeling is Ladyboys are ladies too. I don't have a masculine/feminine dynamic with anyone including men. But hey to each their own. "Butch" can mean anything from a woman who likes comfortable clothes, a strong woman, a unique way of being a woman or people who are a little male identified. There's a whole spectrum. While some people might like being "the -" or "the boyfriend" that concept can grate on others who are tired of being seen as "like men". It's unique to the individual. I think they have taken offense to "hey I'm not a lesbian". Lesbians are no more uniform than bifolks. Just remember we've all been labeled or treated as different at some point or another so if you don't want people to prejudge you you can't do the same to them. The only thing we all have in common is the political reality of not being straight, which in the end is enough. I also think some people were just joshing with you and the humor/affect didn't translate in written form. That's why people should never argue by e-mail or text messaging. Also it's one thing for people to appreciate a quality in others they lack themselves and a totally different thing to disparage a quality in the people one dates. If you look down on "girliness" or think of feminine people as just people who giggle and wear dresses it might not be to date women who have a trait you disparage a bit. I liked a quote I saw on a butch/femme website: Femmes are the subject of not the. While that dynamic is not my personal preference I can appreciate that sentiment. unforgetable sex tonightand you didn't twirl his fancy. So, rather than waste his and your time, he laid it on the line. Mercenary? Yes. Cold? Yes. Rude? Yes, in a way. But at least you both got establishing his level of attraction for you and the quality of his character out of the way much right off the bat. It's not the way I'd prefer to operate nor is it the way I'd prefer my associates to operate, but it's how a lot of guys DO operate. You can accept that with some sense of humor, a sigh and an "oh well" or you can get all riled up, offended and generalize his behavior to apply to all men as you have done. Not a good idea, IMO. Through cultivating a jaded, simplistic image of all your brothers, you are likely to stereotype perfectly wonderful, loving, classy men as "yet another rude shallow fag" and dismiss them out of hand. Much better, I think, to give everybody a fair to prove themselves and to judge each individual based on his own merit than to assume he's just like the last 5 men that you've met. Too often, I've encountered men who proudly proclaim "I'm not like those other gays" and then whine about being single. It's a form of arrogance, it keeps them isolated. They "hate" men, it keeps them single and they wonder why. Uhm duh Come down from your lofty mountain and join the fray. Have some light-heartedness and some compassion for those of your brothers who are confused or hating themselves. When you encounter those who are well-adjusted and willing to connect meaningfully (whether platoniy, sexually or romantiy), hold on to and those connects. don't be so mission-oriented for finding romance and let it come to you. Realize that you ARE just like "those other guys" because we're not just one hive mind, there's all kinds including those who are just like yourself. mature girls
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