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The Washington Post annually publishes a contest for readers in which they are asked to supply alternative definitions for various existing words. This year's list is no disappointment. The following were some of the winning entries in this year's contest: 1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. nilly (adj.), impotent. 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle (n.), an flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. 13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish _expressions. 14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. 15. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist. horny dates Man Cheung PoNovember 25, / Opinion By CLENDINEN Baltimore JUST before Christmas in , J. Hoover, the director of the., let President D. Eisenhower know that the Eisenhower had appointed as secretary to the president, his friend and chief of staff, my godfather, H. Vandenberg Jr., was a homosexual. It was part of a pattern of persecution that would destroy thousands of lives and careers. Earlier that year, the American Psychiatric Association’s had classified homosexuality as a kind of madness, and Republican senators had charged that homosexuality in the administration was a national security threat. Hoover — the subject of Eastwood’s new film — was determined to stave off such threats. A public Puritan with a compulsively bureaucratic and controlling personality, he built an intricate system of files on people of influence — personal and confidential, official and unofficial, and all full of dirt. The most damning were the voluminous “Sex Deviate” files on famous, syndicated columnists, senators, governors, business moguls and princes of the Catholic Church, just to name a few. There was one on Adlai E., the Democratic nominee for president, because some college basketball players being investigated by the. for game-fixing claimed that, one of “the two best-known homosexuals in the state,” was nicknamed “Adeline.” There was even a file on Eisenhower himself, recording rumors of an affair with Summersby, his driver in Britain during the. One was devoted to my godfather because, while he had years of experience in politics and foreign affairs and working for his father, H. Vandenberg Sr. — a Republican senator from Michigan with a mistress and a file of his own — he also drank, and he wasn’t discreet. Apparently, the file held reports of some incidents with two enlisted men at Camp, Va., in , before he served with and became friends with my father. Worse, at the time Eisenhower appointed him to the White House, he was sharing an apartment in Washington with another. This was not uncommon. But the other had been arrested on some morals charge. That was enough for, whom Hoover later described, to an to M. Nixon, as “astounded.” divorced parents
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