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but the idea of an open relationship is that relationships are contracts and those contract parameters can be altered on agreement by the parties its an honesty based and contractual relationship as as the parameters are changed BEFORE the act takes place its allowed. So you have the fight about him cheating before he actually does it. There are still going to be bad feelings but if you are going to STAY in this relationship some honest communication would be a good thing. looking for moby dick have you seen him
There was a fairly large break within the feminist movement several years ago (beginning in the late 70s, picking up steam in the 80's, exploding briefly in the 90's, and then quietly vanishing, at least as far as the mainstream was concerned) that was over exactly what you are discussing. A lot of artistic and scholarly work was done by queer women of color at that time, not so much as part of the feminist movement, but precisely intending to say that they were not part of it, and to ask why. People like Anzaldúa, Cisneros, Lord. There are any number of complex theories as to why this happens. Power. Bias. Racism or privilege amongst white feminists. Without disagreeing with any of those I think there's a little something to all of them I think a more fundamental issue that tends to affect almost any crusading cause is that they struggle very deeply with being able to recognize people as individuals. Often by definition, they are fighting for "women" or "the poor" (generic) and have blind spots when it comes to what those individual poor people or women or queers or whatever actually look like, and what their different needs and cultures are like. More dangerously, they tend to any sort of difference as fracturing "the cause," and so they are more than willing to throw individuals under the bus if they do not conform lock step to the vision of what "woman" is. Ultimately, "the cause" becomes more important and than the people within it. Women become more important than woman. This is a danger of fighting for ideas and not for people, and it is certainly not limited to white ladies. I do not think it is unavoidable, but it is often the likely outcome. IMHO, the only way to avoid it is to learn how to be willing to compromise and to learn to accept that real life requires some levels of injustice. Human life CANNOT be perfect. This is a cold position to take and so refuse to take it, but the result is that they become willing to fight the slightest injustice with disproportionate violence. Personally, I would rather be realistic and a little cold than naive and deadly. looking for a hot date tonightHas anyone noticed that the people who get seriously all worked up about others using the term "straightacting" are usually femmy? Probably because they have the most reason to be offended. And because they are idiots who think that the meaning of words resides in the words themselves -rather than in our agreement over them. Because if someone s you an idiot, when you know you're not an idiot, you shrug. But if someone s you an idiot, when you secretly believe in the depths of your heart that you are, indeed, an idiot then you get really mad. But then you're not mad about them using the word you're then mad that someone notices your idiocy, as well. where to find desperate women
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