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I dated someone awhile back who was incredibly turned on by being choked and slapped in the face, and having her hair pulled. I later learned that she was previously beaten by a boyfriend when she tried to leave him he slapped her, dragged her around the room by the hair and, she said, strangled her with the intent to kill her. (Sorry if this is unpleasant, but there a point coming ) (And obviously, she escaped with her life, and fled that f*cker in San, making it up here to SF.) So I wondered why in the world she would want to incorporate those things into sex play? Well, pardon the amateur psycholoanlysis ('I'm not a shrink, but I play one on TV '), but my theory is that she took something terrifying, life-threatening, and processed it by sublimating it into an arousing sexual experience with someone she trusted, in a safe consensual setting. So in fact, this is a broader question about corporal punishment in general for instance, the way it was posed below by whoever said it's more exciting to have spanking (or whatever) administered as 'correction' for specific 'infractions' (with which I whole-heartedly agreee, btw :-). I wonder whether the masochists and subs among us (and I've been on that side in the past) crave punishment and other forms of correction becuase in essence we are seeking either to expiaste some real, deeply-seated guilt, or to process with sexual release some specific frightening or unpleasant event to whatever degree we are or aren't consciously aware of it. So I guess, put another way, if you were hurt or embarassed in the past and it was NOT YOUR FAULT you can 'own' it and take back control over it by processing iit with a lover under negotiated conditions. Get it? So in that light, maybe the question is, does the sub's for punishment, correction, etc., stem from something bad done to her/him, which was out of her/his control, and and a need to possess it take it back, in a sense by reprocessing it in a setting in which she/he is surrendering control? And if so, isn't that a fascinating paradox? :-) ~Z. fuck date 08033actually, I am a LOT of a seeker and I find myself on a spritual quest. I have studied lots of different religions, tried some on . left most, am finding my own way, my own path to enlightenment. Currently, I am reading Neale Walsch's books and finding them extremely interesting. He shares a view that all our emotions stem from really only two places . fear and. That really hit home with me today, as I can sense someone I care about starting to get involved in a romance (we don't talk or as much, just short clips here and there and much less personal, basiy one liners). My initial reaction was just to cut the cord, be done, go on . I thought of it as simply my loner side, don't need anybody take care of yourself, etc. Actually that is a place of fear.. fear she won't want or need my friendship any longer when I should be coming from a place of . being happy and excited for her, continueing to give and be open. I am a way from enlightment, but I am looking and I have less and less fear in my life. Explore your world. adult chatting
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