Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array naughty webcam chat BondioloAttractive college stud for you! Hello,
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lonely need a female touch I've had some really good weeks. It could be driving around with my friends at 4am in college, singing to the radio and just feeling like I belonged. Or it could have been tossing spagetti out my best friend's apartment window just for the fun of it. Or the night the person I loved most in the world told me she loved me for the first time. Or climbing up the outside of the student center to glue an egg with a sombrero on it. Or one of the giggle-fests I used to have with one of my old roommates. Or just sitting on the street blowing bubbles. Life has some serious ups and downs, so I try to appreciate a good moment when it comes along. peru Gascoyne xxx
where the hookers Fort Lauderdale Most probably have read my other posts. My ex is moving from the west coast to east coast. I have full legal and physical custody, and I am staying in California. Here is my dilema. My ex wants to visit this w/ me driving half way and him driving halfway meet then again and swap. Problems? that means 8 days each time of travelling for the in vehicles, not fun w/ 11, 9, 7 and 4. Flying would cost roughly since youngest is too to fly by herself. He doesn't have a place to live yet and probably not have a decent set up to deal w/ 4 by time. Add to the dilema, my sister and bil want to fly older 4 out to visit for 2 wks (east coast away from ex) w/ them paying for everything. The only have so for break, I can't in good conscious send them to their aunt and uncle for 2 wks if their dad has an opportunity to fly out here for 2 wks and them. That I don't know for sure, this whole thing is new and I'm trying to do whats best and right. Any ideas on how to say no to my sis and bil? or to make my situation better. single horney ladies Byron Michigan
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