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You just have a guy who doesn't do well with gifts. Gifts flummox them. They get nervous in jewelry stores. And they are god-awfully aware of the significance placed on any gift, and have this overwhelming sense that nothing they do is going to be right, anyway. Stop knocking yourself out with the gifts to him. While I'm sure he likes them, he'd also probably be happy with something simpler that you didn't spend as much effort on. Gifts are how you show your. It's not how he shows his. And that's what's really bothering you, isn't it? You equate the gifts with, and you're not "seeing the." The thing with dates and schedules that's different. That would league piss me off, for him to be that disorganized. It sounds like he's in the habit of living his own life just the way he likes, and isn't accustomed to having to take anyone -'s life into serious consideration. Buy him a big calendar for his birthday :-) Encourage him to use an on-line calendar that synchs with his phone, and map out game schedules, -'s events, vacations, etc. Frankly, if he's living in the house and being a part of these -' lives, then choosing to skip an important event is bad form. Does he include the in his sporting outings? Living as part of a couple means that you don't always get to do what you want to do when you want to do it. You shouldn't be afraid to say, "No, it's important to me that you do this with me/us." He's figuring that if it was important, you'd speak up. So speak up. You guys need to sit down with a calendar every couple of months and plot out things, with non-negotiable items highlighted in red, with "don't even THINK about asking if you can change this" status. For him, too. On a calendar, you both can how time is being allocated, and perhaps arrange it a bit more fairly. It's part of being a team. You guys aren't a team, yet you're roommates whose schedules are sometimes convenient. BTW, that thing with the rodeo was just stupid on your part. When he realized it was important to you and said that he'd come, you should have smiled and said, "Great. That's what I wanted. Thank you," instead of being pissed off that he wasn't excited about it, too. You aren't wrong. But you aren't % right, either. well hot has nothing to do with itseem a bit too rigid I mean, they seem to be like orders given, and not a give-and-take agreement between partners. You have been raised to expect certain behavior from others, like being on time, etc. but why is YOUR way the only right way? Others were raised differently. Frankly, you sound controlling. I'd that set of rules, too. It reminds me of the mindset of of those from Native American ancestry, and several other cultures, where the passage of time is seen as an endless cycle with no definite beginning or ending. Tell a Native American to meet at a certain time, and they show up an hour or two early or late. To *them*, they are on time because "6:00 in the morning" means "sometime around sunrise". Is it wrong? Of course not. It's just not YOU. Trust always goes both ways, and goes with respect. If I know it's important to my spouse for me to be on time, then I'll try to meet that expectation. In return, he tries to be more understanding of my need to fudge the time. It really just comes down to picking your battles which ones are worth the argument (being on time for work) versus which ones can be let go (having dinner ready on time). For the most part, if I'm timely on MOST matters, then it's easier to trust my judgement when I need to be late. As for your last part, I fully agree with it. However, there has to be some compromise and understanding of your partner's mindset, too. Like sphynx said above, if a lower-priority person is having a temporary need for my attention, I'll expect my family and husband to understand the change of focus for a little while. As as the general welfare of my (1) husband and and (2) home and finances are not THREATENED by my hiatus, then they should understand. In other words, I'm not going to apologize for not cooking your dinner one night while I'm sitting by a grieving friend's bedside. And if you complain about THAT, you'll be history. cam chat
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