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He no longer feels like participating in the marriage and that's okay with him. He's not miserable or lonely enough to want to divorce either. Repeating "I you" won't do anything. Even if he responds just to get you off his back, that alone won't stop your marriage from being dead. So you have choices: 1. Court him. Do your best to rekindle his interest. You might try the approach in Dr. -'s book "Care and Feeding of Husbands." I can't stand the woman's politics, but she's on to something in terms of the value of keeping one's own side of the street interesting and a pleasure to be with. IMO it's a way of taking responsibility and more effective than complaining to a checked-out husband about all he's failing to do for you. 2. Have the heavy talk about "what's wrong with our marriage" in an effort to get both of you improving things. Go to marriage counseling. Work on better communication. Etc. This is a fine approach when both parties want a better marriage it's not clear your husband does. 3. Divorce his ass. need a fwb for ltrhouse but you need to understand the term separate equity and how it might apply in your case. That is if it can be shown that you used separate property to put toward the home at the time of purchase. How that applies varies by state so I'd discuss that with an attorney. You might be surprised that without his name on the deed, mortgage or title and downpayment from separate property he might not be able to force a sale unless you can't handle the finances. You should be safe with the separate property (money) but again, don't base your decisions on the 'should' be it's important to KNOW. You could be % right, but you want to KNOW you're right. I think the main misconception you have is really the for a low drama divorce but you kind of know that. Chances are this isn't going to slip quietly along, you'll have to stand firm and stay calm against some attacks that hit you at your core and character. Even with logic and law on your side..don't expect him to follow along, plan on him NOT following and if he does, take it as a bonus. don't try to predict his behavior either, base your choices on how to protect yourself on the worst case scenario and again, if it goes well bonus round. Be fair, nonpunitive and firm as hell. You obviously have some financial acumen and a little knowledge about your state's laws, sometimes that's as dangerous as taking advice from someone like me is. NO ONE knows your case like you do, you should take what you know and then find out how the law applies to you. Seriously, answer your own questions with advice from counsel. Even then don't take his/her word for it as gospel, read the law and ask. I disagree with counsel sometimes in my job, I might understand the argument he's trying to make under a statute but right where that position be attacked. Depending upon the situation I might direct him not to take some positions. I try to leave no room for a counter a lot of attorneys actually want the battle so watch out for it. Protect yourself, think about what you want to accomplish and good luck. granny swingers
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