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Go a little bit out of your comfort zone. You don't have to be Mr. "Life of the Party". Sit quietly at the bar. Say hello to the people around you. If there's a TV on, make a comment about something on the screen. don't go there with the idea that you are going to hook up or find your perfect mate or anything. Go with the idea that you are going to have a beer or two and enjoy the company of other men and maybe have a nice conversation. Too expectations are what defeat you. Also realize that you are a worthwhile person that must have something to offer. Think about the people in your life who you. They do that because they something in you that's worth loving. Concentrate on those things that you are good at. By God, if you crochet better than anyone, own it!! If you make a lasagna better than anyone, then celebrate that. Focus on what you DO have, not what you don't (ie perfect body and/or boyfriend or or whatever). horny college kid looking for funyou offered no real insight as to what issue you wish to get addressed by counseling. Is it just stubborn behavior you wish to deal with? Ok, then deal with it. If you have identified the problem now face it head on and discuss it openly. Develop strategies for how best to handle this. There is currently no evidence that speaking to a therapist is any more effective than speaking with anybody. If you have a friend, elder, or mutually respected person that you are both comfortable discussing your problem with, you might give that a try. In reality very few therapists offer appropriate or successful strategies on how to deal with an issue. To further invalidate any input they might have most feel the need to stay neutral or impartial and have no loyalty whatsoever to the truth. Therefore when one or the other is way off base, they seldom anybody out on their bullshit for fear of appearing impartial. The implied conclusion drawn by the offending party is affirmation and that can be profoundly counterproductive. A friend who is comfortable speaking the truth benefit you much more when concise truth is the necessary input needed to effect a desirable change in a relationship dynamic. If you can both identify and acknowledge the problem when it occurs then stop the behavior yourselves. Strategies and techniques help, but the action required must still come from you. Obviously the first thing you must do is remove yourselves from any social setting and de-escalate the situation. That always be a choice, difficult though it be, that you both have to make. From there you have to choose how you wish to behave differently, and force yourselves to do so. love and relationships
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