Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array any woman in here realDiscreet blowjobs lbs clean ddf. Email me stats and pic. Looking for this afternoon. rising sun Auckland casual encounters plus size dating
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I know it's silly, but Christmas was the biggest, most important day of the year growing up. I % all the traditions my parents carried on for us, and always had dreams of doing themw ith own. Ex NEVER cared about Christmas. On Christmas mornings, he slept until i begged him to wake up so could open presents. All the preparation, excitement building, tradition stuff was all me. I just feel like they out. And what would be wrong with my seeing them on his year? Why would he objecxt to his seeing their mom on a huge holiday? I offered to split the day on my year, if he came up, because I'd prefer they had both their parents, whenver possible, and I think they would too. And I'd be driving down to split the day on his year. who wants to see the sex live chat re hot and cold
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