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Here's how my divorce worked The first year or so was HELL. Everyone was mad at everyone. My ex told his family whatever he told them and, of course, they sided with him and my formerly good relationship with them suffered. It was a terrible time. Mistrust all around. I'm sure my in-laws built a case against me, ed me an unfit mother, dredged up whatever they could think of to reinforce a negative view of me. I did the same to them. I didn't want the near them, feared they'd kidnap them, trump up a story, or whatever. I hated them and was extremely threatened by their united front. Fast forward a year or two The legal stuff was over. Lawyers were out of the picture and my ex and I had settled into a workable co-parenting arrangement. Relations with my in-laws began to thaw and I occasionally attended their family functions. Fast forward a few years It was water under the bridge. I had no problem sending the to the in-laws, no problem talking to them. We were back on a good footing, which only got better over time. That's my experience, but I was active in single mother groups and saw others have the same experience. I you building a case against your DIL. I suppose that's natural, but it's natural, too, that she finds it threatening and is distancing. We're all human, after all. MY ADVICE: Be a grown up. Realize divorce creates turmoil and do YOUR best to minimize it. Realize it usually shakes out. TRY not to get caught up in the hysteria. Do your best to avoid saying or doing anything that make it hard for your DIL to eventually trust you and resume her formerly good relationship with you. My divorce was ago, EXTREMELY contentious at first, and, at the time, I'd have sworn I'd NEVER forgive my inlaws. Yet it ended up amicable all around. At one of the early family functions I warily attended, my FIL took me aside and said: "I want you to know I'm your friend. I always was and always be." Very healing moment, in which we both saw the big picture and both knew we had, at one time, allowed ourselves to get caught up in temporary insanity. It CAN be temporary, if you let it be. It's early in the process. If I were you, I'd make a point of keeping my nose out of the early, ugly stuff. i am looking for a level headed gfWe talked about it at length over the last few days. She says that it be different this time. She has the, my family is closer, that she would get through the first hard year. She told me that she is mostly worried that if I walk away from this, I am just going to get more and more miserable down the road. She thinks we should put the house on the market and move to Studio City. That would put us within about 10 minutes of my new office. We could even eat lunch together as a family etc. The thing is, when we bought this house it had been sitting on the market for 19 months. The market at this level just does not move all that fast. We were able to dicker the owner down about 30% from original asking price, given that we were cash and a quick close, but I think at the end of the day we still ended up paying about what the house was worth. Meaning, we don’t have much room on price. We would probably list it for 5% over what we paid and to break even. We would still lose money after taxes and, if you consider the redo on the landscaping, kitchen appliances etc. we probably be in the hole about 10% or more. That’s if the house would sell. The market is picking up in the South Bay, but not that fast. It would also mean we would be living within rock throwing distance to my parents in Malibu. I my parents, but they would be over every day, not sure if even I can take that. We have a good savings and stellar credit, we could mortgage, maybe, it’s hard to say because banks are being arbitrarily selective about who they lend money to. That could mean either dipping deep into our savings and investments to buy a second house before we sell the first (along with property taxes and upkeep on two houses….not the best situation), asking my parents for some sort of a bridge, or just sucking it up and eating the drive. couple seeking women
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