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I've been with my bf for 3 yrs and he always has a reason to not want to talk about the future or marriage. Unless, of course, we're fighting and I'm ready to walk. Then he says what I want to hear; says he wants to me and we someday. But, we never talk about it. My bf lived with me for about a year and a half, moved out before last Xmas because we couldn't make it work. In short, he is entirely way too difficult (spoiled rotten momma's boy- in the meanwhile, I hold down two jobs and college courses). Last Dec, when he threatened to go again, I finally told him to "go for it". We stayed seperated for about a month, then decided to try it on his terms. Living apart, back to basics. It's just not working for me. But, he still loves me. And I think I him (but, I don't even know anymore). He just has no idea about the future and I know precisely what I want. Recently, my daughter got sick with some very lovely projectile vomiting. I had to a carpet cleaner. He was out in a half hour. During his cleaning, he ended up doing my whole house, we ended up talking about my house, my daughter, etc 20 after he left, he ed. I accidently miscounted my cash and underpaid him. I paid him the difference over Paypal and texted him to let him know. He said it was a pleasure meeting me, etc (I couldn't tell if he was possibly flirting or if it was just professional courtesy, but I saved his # in my phone; he charged me $60 for the whole house!). A week ago, I sent out a mass text to my phone contacts when I got new service and any contact I didn't it to go to. I missed him. He text me back. We've been talking a little. He seems interested and I am not going to lie, it is nice to have somebody's attention and he's a refreshing breath of fresh air. Self-sustainable, independent, etc Well do you where this is going? What should I do? bj for what do you need
I agree with sf_atty. Everything you said was spot on. And Manogamust, in there. You're not wrong for feeling the way you do. I'm going to be 30 in a few days and I've always wanted what you are describing. Even after a 6 year relationship that was much loveless, a year relationship with an abusive alcoholic and a year relationship with a great guy who unfortunately wasn't out and loved to party. Throw in a year and a half of therapy (the best thing I ever did for myself) and you've got a 30 year old that is still searching for the answers. The difference now is that I don't obsess about it. I've finally learned that things are what they are. I enjoy life and know that above all Shakespeare was right, "To thine own self be true." Be safe and remember to breath. Elk Rapids girlfriend nudeFirst, if your wife goes for individual counseling, SHE be the client. If you go together for couples counseling, BOTH of you are the clients. My recommendation is that you each go for individual counseling, and both of you go for couples counseling. That's 3 therapists, one for each of you, and 1 for you as a couple. Lots of money, but I think it's time you put your money where your mouth is. This is not the time to cut corners. This is the time when you SHOW that you mean business. That you recognize that you're in crisis, and you're prepared to make substantial, permanent changes. If she refuses couples counseling, go for individual counseling anyway. Show her that you mean business. No words. Actions. There can be ethical conflicts when a therapist sees both of you in couples counseling, in addition to seeing one/both of you in individual counseling. The question of who is the client becomes muddled. Now, no therapist worth his/her salt give advice or tell the client what to do. Therapists don't have all the answers, and what works for one person/couple not work for another. Instead, they bring to the table all their skills to help the client(s) find their way to making their own decision(s). Forget the illusion of control; this is out of your hands. Your wife very well decide that the marriage is not worth saving. Or she shoot you one last, and if she does, recognize that it'll probably be your last, and don't blow it. That's where your individual therapy kicks in. Learn a better way. Take responsibility for your past behavior. Acknowledge the hurt you've caused, make amends wherever possible, and resolve to never be that again, with her, or in some future relationship. If you've lost your wife, accept it graciously and support her decision. Whatever the outcome, your best shot at this point is to go balls out and get ready to fight for your marriage. If this fails, be the most supportive father to your and ex that you can possibly be. Good luck. interracial sex on the beach
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