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Last night we had an argument. We went to bed after watching 'Die Hard'. I did my tuckdown ritual of packing pillows all around me (I sleep sounder like this, I have insomnia) Husband did his bedtime ritual- reading. This usually is not a problem for me, because often I don't go to bed until after he is close to being done reading. But last night, I asked him how he thought he would be reading, he said 20 minutes or so. I said, I really needed the light off sooner than that, and if he couldn't stop reading, if he would go out to the livingroom and read. He said 'no'. I tried to reason with him, that I would not do this to him. That I take extra care not to keep a light on, when he is asleep. He said, if you would stop your crabbing, and let me read, the light go out sooner. I got pissed. I was packed in with pillows, I did not want to get up and unplug the cord, so I took my book and through it at his light, trying to aim to break the bulb. I missed. I continued to take things off my bedside table, and lop them toward the lightbulb, missing each time. Then I finally took one of my pillows, and through it over to the lamp, and it fell over and the bulb did not break. (I have never throw stuff before) I know it sounds like a comic act but I was so angry that he would be so selfish. He has this selfish streak- normally I try to look past it, but when it really interferes with my well being, I get fustrated. horney old women Sheykh RajabThe phrase about him treating you “politely” bothers me. This statement seems to evoke serious emotional distance, good and bad. The “passion” of trying to relate to each other is normal. This nebulous thing about being “happy” always puzzles me as I have no idea what that means..to YOU. And, as an adult you need to know that ALL happiness is transient. The truly valuable things in a relationship go much deeper and are a constant in a good marriage, these things usually last your entire life. When you get couples who are not innately communicative and you mix in a little time you get allot of issues being pushed into a back burner. These issues be small but their cumulative effects can be very large. Going to a counselor be forcing him to “open up” and maybe he’s just not ready to do that, ergo all the sudden anger. You might want to put this off until he is ready. Right now it just force him to really cut the cord on the marriage. counselors are not really trained to deal with deep root issues (as you and he have) and they can do more harm than good trying to get things more communicative. As far as a suggestion. Try to get to the root of the communications issues by seeing a good psychotherapist and if he can find out why you have your communications problems and what you can do about it. After you get a handle on how to deal with your problems, you might be able to help him..either by getting him to go or through your actions make life more livable. My focus is on fixing the problem and not the symptoms. Good luck. bbw hunter
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