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" Better not say that or she might get depressed." Actually I think a more accurate description was "better not say that or she might get angry". But he was like that with everyone, NOT just me. Always calm, always held back, always repressed. I married him because I needed stability and I saw what he did as stable. I was too to recognize that withholding one's emotions (even from oneself) is not a sign of a person. You know like those who go postal all at once? "You really want to focus on your spouse behavior and not on your own." No, I've BEEN focusing on my own ever since then. But omitting the look at him and who he was/is has hindered my healing from the divorce, to some extent, because I still him in the perfect image he presented instead of what was hidden underneath. in my mind, I know he wasn't. But in my heart, he still holds that image because of how I was treated by him. He was deeply codependent, care-taking and enabling and my heart still wants to believe he loved me, even though evidence is that those behaviors were to control the relationship. " You just keep trying to justify you breaking your vows" AGAIN NO! IT WAS WRONG!!! I would never advise anyone to do that. It was a stupid mistake on my part. And I don't it as a mistake ONLY because of the effect, but because it was UNLOVING and that is ALWAYS a wrong choice. Okay? Apparently I have to keep repeating that to each poster. "How is it you can be together that and not mature?" Because my independence vanished slowly but surely under the pressure of illness, depression and a husband who's idea of marriage was to serve in all ways possible. Have you heard the expression "- with niceness"? It's rare, but it happens. Someone takes care of every little problem in your life until you can no longer handle any problem yourself. Most of it happened while I was ill (gastric problems, panic attacks, vertigo). People mature when they have to face difficulties. He kept me from facing the difficulties even by lying to me. I knew he lied just not to me. And you seem to put forth the idea that one spouse having an affair means it's okay for the other one to have an affair without leaving the marriage. Is that really what you meant? seeking hangout buddymyself it wont do you any good anyway. Both parties have to agree to it. One can not just put the clause into effect. From what you have posted the mom wont sign it so its a dead horse. Sucks my friend but there isn't anything you can do. I just spent the last two months coming to terms with the new boyfriend being around my. Arguing with the stbx wife. End result for me was it prevented me from adopting the oldest as the lawyer said wouldn't pass court investigation prior to adoption as the new BF has been around so much the wouldn't be able to keep the story strait. Sucks my I know. extramarital friendship
woman Keslers Cross Lanes wanting sex just stop all contact with the mystery woman. If you feel you're "broken," what makes you think you're in any position to be in a relationship with anyone? She wants to change but the continues because you accept it. I can't imagine a counselor wouldn't have advised both of you about this, unless you're not sharing a detail about YOUR behavior??? Draw your boundary and tell your wife what you no longer put up with or you have to walk away. She has to know the consequences. But whatever you choose to do, sneaking off to have emotional sex with your old flame is deceitful and the wrong way to leave a relationship. The emotional footprints you leave behind have a ripple effect on others in life and you have that on your conscience. If you're planning to end the relationship, do it with and dignity. Start a new relationship after you've healed and done you're "me work."
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