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don't you realize that YOU are making yourself miserable? You are stuck in the belief that in order for your life to be full you need another person to complete it. There's your flaw. The mere thought that what you did is wrong sends you into a pure defensive mode and you start to make excuses for some shitty behavior. His spouse is manipulative, tells you she's embarrassed about him, ect Excuses!! The fact is you are having trouble forgiving yourself and trusting that you can handle life with what's transpired. Well in order to do that you have to take FULL responsibility for your shit. That means owning it. This is your wake up , life isn't some fairytale. Poor choices heavy consequences, mistakes like that hurt people and the fallout you just have to deal with. The BEST you can do is not repeat the same mistakes and take responsibility for the ones you do make. You should seek some help, but be careful of a counselor who's validate things so you feel better that's not the goal. The goal is to accept your role, learn that you can control yourself AND your emotions so that you can move forward and hopefully gain some happiness. We are all responsible for our own condition. Repeat that until you actually get it. Because once you do you can be happy. Because real happiness comes from within, YOU create it and it doens't rely on someone. Then you'll get that you can let someone in your life because it be based upon you understanding that you chose to be in a relationshit rather than out of some warped need for connection. There, that's real advice and if you want to follow it fine, if not don't be too surprised if you simply end up stuck in your cycle. real friends with benefitsMy first gf was black. But in a casual setting, it's hard for me to attract them, whereas easy to get the attention of women from other backgrounds. On-line, I found it weird, when I tried it. I got from black women twice and then saw their profiles said no white guys. I'm not looking atm (and most likely wouldn't do internet dating if I were). If I were and knew someone to whom I felt a connection, I'd like to. I've known several thru work and whatnot that I really liked. But never felt like I was even on the radar, lol, let alone a candidate. I guess I don't even try anymore. free adult dating
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