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I was wrong. You were right. I know, I said I would when I got home. I'm sorry, sweetheart really. In fact, I was on my way to bed to you before I sleep. I should have been a doting, attentive, concerned boyfriend. I should have been the husband-in-training. But in the end, that's not really what this is about. It isn't that you ed to give me the 3rd degree over failing to on time. It isn't even that the other night you ed me (for the second time in minutes) to ask me with a syrupy voice: "-? Do you being at the grocery store with me?" It isn't because you wanted to and have on a 2 year schedule, don't like me to have close friends, or ed me a liar on a frequent and paranoid basis. Sadly, it isn't even that when I had retracted my testicles far enough to schedule an appointment for us with a couples' counselor, only to be told in a huff that my suggestion was 'bad timing', that something got my attention. In the end, it took me realizing that someone in this relationship was being ridiculous. And it was me. I'm a nice guy. And by that, I mean I'm a doormat. My first reaction to any conflict is to immediately seize control of my boiling feelings, and become a reasonable, fair and articulate partner. By that I mean, I not tell you you're wrong. I won't stop you in your tracks and gently but honestly bullshit on petty jealousy and outright irrational behavior. I'm that guy, the one who it's so infuriating to fight with, because I apologize. I understand. And in the end, no matter how stupid the situation seems to me, I compromise. And really, that's both the best and worst thing I can do. I intend to get your perspective, one outside my own, and to understand what I'm missing. What I end up doing is allowing your charging bull of accusations and insecurity to thunder along unhindered, while I dodge and bend like the world's most passive matador. I was hoping that the compromise and compassion I so intentionally displayed were actually the building blocks of a lasting and caring relationship, not permission for unchecked tantrums and emotional ambush. I was taking it for the team. It would get better. I would learn to like it. But you know what? I didn't like it. DuBois married sexis the problem. poor couples manage to make it work in the marriage, and wealthy couples split over money. So it's not so much the lack of or abundance of money that matters in a marriage, but how the couple handles disagreements over money. Seems quite clear to me: Those couples who agree and work together as a team pull through the tough times. Those who stubbornly and selfishly stick to their own wants/needs, won't. You asked for tips clipping coupons and scaling back spending is one side of it. But more importantly, you and your wife must work out the solutions together and be in total agreement about everything. There be some things you won't budge on, and others that she won't budge on. Find ways to allow each of you to have SOME of those things so you won't feel cheated. Remember that as important as it is to you to have cable, it's just as important to her to have her hair done. Even if a thing seems frivilous to you, it not be frivilous to HER. And visa versa. Respect and compromise. Second, have regular meetings to manage the budget together, where the savings has been and renegotiate what needs to be done. Every night, or every week, whatever works best. And BOTH of you need to be fully involved. This habit more than any other has helped DH and me to stay on the same together and our budget absolutely WORKS. This way, we're held accountable to each other and to that budget, and there are no surprises. Inevitably, things come up which must be dealt with brake service, medical bills, broken water heater. By having these regular meetings, it's easier to adjust spending to take care of that thing. I know his thoughts, he knows mine, and we find solutions quite easily now. dating american singles
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