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It's that I've been spending so much less time w/*all* of my so-ed friends as well as my real friends, and *everything* is getting clearer. It has nothing to do with my financial status whatsoever. I have chosen to be a hermit now for about 6 mos. Turning my whole ship around for awhile. I simply can't tolerate any *bullshit* anymore. The only reason why I posted the money issue, is that the person I had the 'misunderstanding' with has always been thoroughly money-focused. We can be having tea, and she'll start in with her investments, her famous 'friend', etc. The other pair of 'friends' have their own schtick, but still, money-focused as well just Bohemian style, so it appears 'cool'. It STINKS OUT LOUD. And worst of all: it screwed their up seriously (both sets of friends' -). Hence: the money post. During my walk, I realized that it's really the same old story, but I just refuse to put up with it anymore at all. I'm growing up in the realest sense. It goes back to when I had my divorce years ago, and chose to be w/family folks only. The folks I befriended gave me the closest thing to the cozy feeling I craved but with a price: that I serve a purpose for them as well fill a hole a need play a role doing little favors like babysitting and trapseing around with them on *their terms*! I'm cutting all that out now, and facing facts. My values and principles are not the same and never were. Rather than suffer alone, I clung to them in large part, because it the hell out of me having single men interested in me. My 'friends' were a protection .At least I refrained from diving into a string of men-folk, marriages, etc. I'm proud of myself now. This all requires grieving, but hey, it feels good to cry and gain my freedom from their clutches .I played, 'In the early morning rain' (- -) several times on my guitar before,sobbed my guts out, and put a in for my brother. And this forum has been a great way to process stuff for me. To observe myself. Hell, everything goes out into oblivion, but it helps me. Other peoples posts help me also! And I'm undeterred by the morons, who unprovoked, post things that they think hurt others. horny woman MblsukeAdmiration Infatuation Unconditional My admiration was to an older guy in high school. He had a car, a job, lived on his own, and did all of this on his own as his family abandoned him when he was 13. He started working at 15 and worked two jobs up until recently when he got into managment. My infatuation was to a care free hippie guy in high school. He played the guitar, loved to draw and paint and really had a different, exciting point of view on some things. My unconditional is to a guy I met in high school. For years we went off and on a few times and we always came back to each other. With my admiration, I learned that you can't someone for what they have, or what they are doing. You have to them for who they are. With my infatuation, I learned that you can't someone more than you yourself. With my unconditional, I learned that was only the beginning of a relationship and your grows and changes each and every day. The admiration and I broke up because I was 'holding him back'. The infuation and I broke up because he was just a terrible boyfriend and always chose his friends over me. And the unconditional and I are currently married. :-D I think that there are kinds of loves, and each one teaches you a lesson and builds your mind and heart. I learned so things from my prior loves that I now know where to say "no" and I now know that you can't truly someone unless you yourself. marriage sluts
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