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I tried to be generous in the property settlement because I knew he would have a hard time dealing with me leaving but I also felt I deserved to not suffer too much financially since I brought in as much income as him. So, here's the other side of the story. 27 years of marriage, out of school but still living at home and I wanted the divorce. When I left I took my personal stuff. clothes, what little jewelry I had, a few pieces of furniture that had been passed down my side of the family. I also took one of the cars that still had payments on it. I also wanted $ to pay my lawyer fees and the cost of moving. In return he got EVERYTHING, furniture, car, truck, house w/$60, equity (provided he refinance to get it so I wouldn't be financially responsible for it. In return I would sign quit claim so I wouldn't have any claim on the house. His comment to the offer was h@ll no. He wasn't paying me to leave him. I heard during the separation he would tell anyone that would listen how I was trying to take everything and how I was screwing him over so he wouldn’t agree the property settlement. I won’t tell you what he was saying about my character. After 3 years of separation we ended up in court for property settlement. In court I found out he wanted ½ of my K and part of the house I had bought during the separation. (Fortunately, I had a good lawyer who advised me to finance % of the house so I could prove I hadn’t used any joint assets to buy the house.) The ex didn’t bother to mention to the judge that he had cashed in his K that he had while we were married. I had to tell the judge about that. The Ex also tried to get me for desertion. The judge informed him that it wasn’t desertion – after all we were getting a divorce and I had to have some place to live. Then the judge just looked at him and awarded me my K and ½ the equity of the house. His anger and greed got the better of him. His slamming my character backfired. It just made people question what other lies he was saying and they ended up avoiding him. We could have been divorced in 6 months instead of 3 years and he would have been almost $30, richer if he had just taken what I’d offered in the first place. this mixed girl is looking for you
I know you're going thru a tough time now. Sorry about that. It does get easier with time. Here's something that helped me. I started my days with a brief creative visualization what I was going to do, all the good things that were going to happen, saw myself enjoying my life. As I switched gears from one segment of my day to another (office, gym, dinner, sleep, etc.), I took a few minutes to create the next segment. I also gave myself time ea day to grieve. I parked my car on a busy street I would scream, cry, talk outloud, whatever. I also left myself messages at work, home, cell to acknowledge my progress and to take inventory of what works well in my life. At the end of the evening, I reviewed my day. I saw myself doing all the things I did that day being successful and being happy. I made structural changes in the bedroom so that I could create new memories. Replaced furniture, painted the walls, new linens. I also went on a vacation to Jamacia. I tought about my ex when I was there and had some sad moments, but sheer force of my, stepped forward. These activities worked for me, they help you too. Good Luck. horny old in NesbyenI understand the point you were trying to make, pokie, but I think you were going about it the wrong way. As Happy stated, the goals you listed are YOURS. What goals do you have as a couple? Can you make some of those goals about the two of you make them more personal. For example, "I'd like to buy a house with you that we can fill with furniture memories." "I'd like to get my Masters so I can be a better person contribute more to our shared responsibilities." Also, I learned from someone that if you state a goal ("I want to be -"), you should have an answer to, "So what?" ("I want to be so we can travel have fun.") You want to try that as a way to illustrate that you want your goals to be shared. There is nothing wrong with your BF pursuing a higher paycheck. That's the American way ;-) Maybe his pursuit is about putting the two of you in a better place. Maybe he feels he needs to do a better job of providing, no matter what you say. Maybe he is looking for advancement this is one step in that direction? sex with older women
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