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I agree that sometimes things get snippy in here. And sometimes things are said that I don't at all agree with. But I am far too invested in balance and perspective to take conversations existing solely in Internet space too seriously. That said, when I go to other forums, I a TON more trolls, sleazy posts, and writings from what seem like bored 15 year old boys than I ever do in W4W. I think we regulate ourselves well in here, and all in all I find the level of discourse and what seems like real concern and care to be high. And yes, I've seen that extended to brand-new posters as well. As far as mad_world, I thought we were going to have a dialog, but it appears that she posted and ran. (I was going to it "spew and scamper," but that would me mean-spirited and juvenile of me!) an intelligent erotic exchangeThere are a number of issues here, so right off the bat you need to sort them out one at a time and don't let them cloud over each other, creating a miasma of gunk that nobody could figure out. Each issue has to be carefully and lovingly and firmly dealt with. The brother in law is being very insensitive, but he can't be expected to have the same or tolerance of your father as you do; still, if you are forced to choose between the in-laws and your dad, you must face this squarely and make your choice, and not look back. Your father's hygeine is a troubling problem on levels. I think you need to do whatever you can to steer him into the tub. He be old and cranky, but you can't pretend he's as fresh as a flower when he isn't. The bigger issue is his health; infections and sores can develop from not washing, and at his age that could be a real problem. It would be better to risk hurting his feelings than to him hospitalized for skin ulcers that sap his health and are totally preventable. Hurting Dad's feelings seems to be a big theme in all the relationships. I think his feelings should be respected, but that doesn't give him the right to manipulate other people. There really is a balance between honesty and. Sometimes, it's gracious and respectful to be honest! "Dad, I'm going to be honest with you because I respect you." sometimes creates boundaries. Not that he won't be loved if he doesn't comply with your requests (although he fear this), but you him so much, you make some boundaries within which the family can get along better, Dad can be healthier, and holidays can be merrier. Getting him a hearing aid is a boundary that makes good sense, as does requiring him to bathe, wear clean clothes, and do other things that demonstrate his for you. It's not just a one-way street you know. Maybe it was in the past, but now your must be mutually respectful and honest. Doesn't he deserve that? don't you? man wants woman
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