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will you be that girl Through a number of these posts. This raises certain alarm bells for me. While I obviously don't think BDSM is inherently abusive, I do think that people sometimes turn to it for unhealthy reasons that parallel the reasons people end up in abusive relationships. For someone with low self-esteem, the attraction of submission can be quite powerful, because you can live out the self-negation and the sense of yourself as small, weak and worthless, but at the same time you can be cherished and valued for those traits. This can be deeply cathartic and help a person to build a stronger sense of self, but it can also go in the other direction. It sounds like you're at an early stage in exploring BDSM. Please remember that whatever you do in terms of BDSM, you and your Dom are two equal human beings with equal rights to happiness, safety and security, and equal rights to experiment and explore erotiy. No one has to be at fault if a scene or a hook-up doesn't work or feels awkward; you're trying new things, and not all of them be great. It's like if you were a kid from Iowa arriving in New York City and trying out all the ethnic restaurants: you don't have to clear your plate at the Ethiopian place if it tastes kinda gross, and you certainly shouldn't feel guilty for having ordered something you'd never tried before. As as you're honest with the people you're playing with, you shouldn't have to feel bad for experimenting and not loving the results every time.
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