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married and lonely seeking discreet friendship I attended the one in my community, for the first time this year. In the past I have been aware of the issue and the campaign, but the whole theme seemed excessively dark and depressing: the ongoing beatings, physical intimidation and murder of hundreds of trans people a year. In my country and city, transphobic and homophobic violence is fortunately very low (but not absent, for sure). It's hard to acknowledge that one can be at risk merely for being a member of a recognizable minority: we all want to believe things are better than they maybe are. But this year I went, and am glad I did. It wasn't as dark and moody as I expected, though the selection of stories of the victims of trans violence around the world were certainly horrifying and saddening, on the whole the gathering was heartening and uplifting. It's not often so transpeople and supporters gather in one place. There were accommodations to those who wished to be 'stealth', in terms of arriving and departing incognito and there were no cameras during the event. The media were absent, though they had been invited. Apparently this is as usual, it's just not a big deal as the Pride parade with all the flashy rainbow clowns, queens and leather. It's not within the scope of the event, focusing as it does on external violence towards trans people (and their perceived or straight companions) but it seems to me almost even more horrible a, that the general level of oppression drives so trans people to suicide. It's violence to and by the victim him/herself. I've lost two dear friends to suicide, one not-so-close acquaintance, versus one seemingly deliberate hit-and-run death by automobile, and that was more probably because they thought she was not trans. Get mad about it, don't tolerate the shaming and violence, and appreciate the time you have with your trans and friends. It takes a certain amount of courage to be who who we are, put ourselves out there and make a life. It's good to remember how fortunate we are.
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