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We were only dating for less than a month and I've had several bad relationships. She was saying "I you" and I didn't feel that way. That hurt her. And the bland sex was mostly because she was a dead fish for the most part. Quiet, not moving, and didn't initiate or had a hard time talking about sex. Although she did surprise me once. Brides-les-Bains seeks cockI actually know quiet a bit about buddhism, in the scholarly sense. I have studied it extensively in college and grad school. It is amazing how you can study something and understand it intellectually but not "get" it. I "got" it for the first time when my grandmother died. I had an amazing vision of a girl being born and somehow "knowing" that the soul of my grandmother was being reborn. Maybe it was searching for some sort of solace and comfort, maybe it was wishful thinking, but it came to me without conscious thought my unconscious taking everythign I studied and all the crap with Catholic bull that I had been struggling against and it just worked for me. One of the very few unconscious religious moments or awakenings I have ever had. But I struggle with societal acceptance in my suburban New England town. I have a spouse whom I dearly, but doesn't understand or want our (being raised by lesbians) to be buddhist and be even weirder. There are no temples, no communities of Buddhists near me that have any vibrance. Finding a buddhist community, never mind a particular sect, would be difficult. UU appeals to me. It has the meditative qualities that I am looking for. It allows for the individuals own path to the divine. I am strugglng with accepting human flaws right now I recently moved. I had been attending a UU church and was very moved each service by the reverand. FOr some reason, the UU church closest to my new house is lackluster. Small congregation and for the past two weeks, lay leaders have been running it and it has failed to move me too much ego dripping out of them. So, still I search. african american women
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