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I just had my first 3 weeks ago, so totally get the 'I feel like an asexual whale' thing. And I warn you, it's about to get a whole lot less sexy. First, you can't have sex for 6 weeks post birth. And on top of that, no sleep, infrequent showers, leaky boobs, stomach pooch, and birth images permanently seared into his mind. So, yeah, wise to work on none sexual ways to feel close. You might want to just have a conversation about that. Approach it like a problem to be solved. "Babe, I know sex is important to you what are we going to do when the comes?" I also understand what it's like to be with a less than romantic partner. I my DH completely, but he's just not the flowers and chocolate kind of guy. It use to bug the hell out of me. First, I had to really think about how important that was to me. DH is very good to me, so did I really need him to prove it in that way? I had to let it go a bit. The second part was being SUPER clear about my expectations. Things like '-, my birthday is coming up. I'd like to go to x restaurant and don't forget that lilies are my favorite flower!' Yes, it's not romantic to plan your own stuff, but it sure beats being disappointed. Then when he follows through, be very appreciative. The more DH got a feel for what I like, and saw how happy it made me, he started to take a lot more initiative. Lastly, don't put yourself out so much! Yes, I understand having sex because you want to please your mate, but don't have sex you really don't want to. That's only going to lead to resentment. I'm not saying withhold, but you need to make you desires matter at least on equal footing to his! Good luck. Congrats on the -! sonia Meadville nudenot to have a safeword, and listen when you essentially told him that you had reached a limit without one. The reason you have a safeword is so you can say all kinds of things that might stop the play otherwise, but until the safeword is spoken he doesn't have to stop. It was his responsibility to put one in place as you could not know as a novice. There is no way for you to know every hard limit you might encounter before anything happens, which is another reason for a safeword. And somethimes what was ok one time might push past a limit another, and you have the right to stop for that as well. The dom has the right (and obligation IMO) to push your limits, but must also respect them. For him to say he would not accept no (without a safeword available) is unreasonable with any novice, or even anyone with experience. With this foreknowledge, you should be able ot find someone who is more acceptable and can provide you with hte experience you want and deserve. don't give up dur to one bad experience, use it as a learning one. on line dating services
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