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My wife stood before me with some items in front of her. Without a word, she emptied a large jar of mayonnaise and proceeded to fill the empty jar with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2" diameter, then asked me if the jar was full. I agreed that it was. She then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. My wife then asked me if the jar was now full. I agreed that, yes, it was. She then poured a bag of sand into the jar with the result that the sand filled up the remaining spaces between the rocks and pebbles. "Now," said my wife, "I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things your family, your wife who loves you, your health, your anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed. The pebbles are the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything. The small stuff. Your porn, baseball, the bar, your X-Box. If you put the sand or the pebbles first, there is no room for the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, material things, you never have room for the things that are truly most important." I was dumbfounded. Where the hell is she going to get more mayonnaise from for my sandwich, dammit? desperately seeking enfjGet two fishbowls, or any sort of glass container of reasonable size. Set 'em on a table in the hallway, or in the living room, or in the kitchen, wherever they're most appropriate. Get a few of those larger Peanut MM bags, empty them out into a third container (or a ZipLoc bag, whatever). Keep this in between the two containers at all times, and always make sure there's additional MMs available. Ok, the game- whenever someone wants to points ou a mistake that the other person has made, they have to put an MM in their own container. It's fine to point something out, but they have to add another coated bit of proof that they're doing so. If there's a glaring disparity in the amount of criticizing going on, then the two containers quickly become imbalanced (in terms of their tasty treat levels). That should help illustrate just how much you feel overwhelmed by the amount of "correction" you're receiving; after all, she's the one piling it up on you. If she still doesn't get it, then after one month of "filling them up," you switch to one month of "emptying them out." Each person can only say something if they take one of the candies from the other person's jar. That way, you now have the power to say as much as you like, and she has to endure the fact she's given you a lot of candies with which to make smart remarks. Now, if this is too unlikely to work, or won't have any impact, I'd suggest finding some other visual way of demonstrating just how much she's laying this criticism on you. Maybe a book? Ask her to write each problem down in a book, line by line, and keep track of just how things she finds wrong with you. The point is to try and demonstrate to her that, regardless of how right or wrong she thinks she is, there's a limit to how much nitpicking a human being can take. OH, and if nothing works, figure out a way to get an impartial third party (IE- psychologist) involved with the party. The game ideas only work with people who are willing to try (and who have a sense of, I don't know, nuttiness about relationships that's a peanut MM joke there), so you might just have to push it to external counseling. adult single dating
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