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fuck tonight Dianjun but to those that judged me: i do admit that i am a spoiled girl. but i never take advantage of my dates. in fact, i am the opposite of a demanding girl. i have a nice life of my own and i've always been able to spoil myself with or without men. if there was one thing i wanted a guy to provide for me that i can't on my own, it's just companionship and commitment. that being said, i do enjoy when my dates go out of his way to treat me like a while i am too, a generous girl. it's not about the gifts,money or 's about the effort a guy puts in for me. and i know and am able to reciprocate with thoughtful gifts and doing nice things for him too. he has also showed no signs of being a player. always supporting me in everything i do, and telling me he'd be a great father someday, how he thinks my parents are so lucky to have a daughter like me..and how he admires his dad blablabla.. it became very hard for me to believe a guy like him could be an asshole :( when he broke up with me,i continued to care for him hoping it change his mind. i wanted to prove that i am a good gf and that i can make his life better. if i acted desperate, it was because i truly wanted something more meaningful with him. i cut him off when i didn't want to be hurt everyday anymore:( but he refused and told me he always be my friend. i disagreed, but he never stopped inviting me out for innocent activities. and i slowly started talking to him like b4. when i agreed to out more often again, it was partly out of curiosity, because it has been a year and i wanted to know if i have really moved on. or even just to prove to myself whether he really cares for me as a friend, or he's an asshole and i should hate him. yet i realized i still have so much feelings for him. I started being nice to him again, even agreeing to design his place free(i'm an interior designer) a part of me just want him to remember me as a girl that did her best, if we were to never talk to each other again after this. as i force myself to move on. i do admit that i am selfish for doing this to my current date. but we are all selfish when it comes to. my can't decide what my heart chooses. my current date doesn't make my heart beat the same way..although his and kindness is slowly healing me. it still doesn't feel the same way :( i don't get any "butterflies". party tonight in my hotel horny west Petaluma girls
On Oct 24 I have to go to court for support and alimony, since Sept of me ex-wife Salinas has not allowed me to or speak to our and even when I would send cards and it had turned out that finely she came out with the fact the she has never told them about me at all, she went further on to say she was going to do everything possible to have my rights terminated and that her Fiance wanted to adopt both and as his own but she has never gone through the proceedings of that, she doesn't want me to speak to her family so I can get a straight answer of what's going on and her family as secret as they all are not speak of anything, they all want me to burn and since the all have their dirty little secrets like selling while being in High School to having an abortion that their parents do not know to the parents living under the same roof but not the same bed to being hoarders in the house and they are true blue Catholics and Democrats I am to be made an example for some reason and should make then all feel better for some reason or another. on Oct 19 and need to go back to Indiana for a weeks visit and I be in court on the 24th @ 8 am I most likely be put in jail at The Twin Towers where a has died under the watch of Beck or beat to a pulp as so have whilst he turns a blind eye and go unscathed, I do not even know where she lives, the last place was in El, then maybe in Pasadena, or maybe now in Asuza, my my depression is getting so bad I know not what to do at all, I sit here in this little room with my daughter and when I get sick and my Asthma gets so bad helps me going to get my med's from the refrigerator for my nebulizer because I can barely walk to feet to all my anti depressants and in jail I know I not receive that level of care, so when I go to court and get put in jail should I choose to opt out or let the guards or prisoners do me in, I know not what to do at all horny west Petaluma girls party tonight in my hotel
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