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thought about therapy? I have to confess that I don't get people who put their immediate physical safety at risk for an emotional attachment. We've all let guys treat us badly from time to time, but when it crosses the line into physical violence, it's irrevocably over for me. Of course I say that having never encountered any physical violence in a relationship. I'd like to think that would be my reaction. But it sounds like you need to address some deeper issues here and I think maybe a professional would be better than people in a discussion forum. here goes blonde w glasses at Bedford HillsFetishes are specific and important to those who hold them, so of course it can turn into a hot button topic. Even worse, generally when someone has a real knowledge of something and speaks directly and with passion about it it sometimes threatens people around them (that's just the way it is, unfortunately) makes them feel "punished" when no negative intent is involved. Sometimes I get really passionate about submission, and get irked when submission or subs get misrepresented either by those of the ilk or by those who are ignorant but never have I addressed it with the intent to punish that's like totally righteous dude, and not in the good way. It defeat me before I'm started over time. Its taken me some effort (I think) to even change what D/s looks like to my partner who had done a ton of kinky shit but had always felt not in tune with D/s and probably at times was turned off by it. Without definitions in some areas, none of us would feel passionate about stuff. It's *our* kink community, *our* D/s, *our* bdsm in general, and we need our definitions because it gives us a way to communicate why we do what we do. I don't want to just be lumped in as kinky I need to define D/s as well. without a def .this would all be lumped together as just 'stuff we like' we'd all be homogeneous, yuck with no definitions and that's not natural. Not every dominant wants to be lumped in with tops etc So especially here with the one person I know who has a serious fetish his intent never be to punish ignorance because then he'll never be able to stand up for what he feels is a very defined thing. Nobody would ever listen. And how do you describe a feeling? A fetish evokes a specific sort of feeling and reaction for those that hold it. Yes, the def vary depending on who you ask but I believe there is one answer to this and that is that it is a very defined and rigid set of conditions that cause a thing to be a fetish for someone. I feel the word "fantasize" should replace "fetish" in 99% of fetish conversations. dating single women
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