I can't keep going like this much longer w4m (castro / upper market)I know you won't see this but lord knows I'd hate to send another text you won't bother reading about how I feel. You don't care nor do you want to hear it again.
And I won't nag.
I guess we aren't even together anymore anyway. Not that we ever really were but somehow I've been expected to be faithful to you for all this time, and I have been. For god knows what reason, yet still.. I have been.
I'm really sick of being lonely, though. There's no reason for it. Well there's one reason, but that's you- and you don't make yourself much of a reason to be worth it do you? Okay maybe when it comes to sex you're a black belt ninja and I'm still trying to untangle the knots from a white belt I haven't earned yet. Whatever. That's ONE thing. One attribute, one skill in life and not even a very important one. Okay maybe slightly important but moreso to you than it ever would be to me.
I'd rather have a connection with someone physiy inept than.. Whatever the fuck it is that we have..
I won't be gorgeous forever. I won't be young forever. I won't be a terrible kisser forever..probably not, anyway. But even if I am so what? I have a brain, I have loyalty and I have an awesome personality. And mind blowing skills in the kitchen.
I deserve a real relationship with someone, a bond- a connection that is strong and mutual.. If letting you fuck whoever you want on the side isn't enough for you to feel that with me then it's time for me to move on.
I've been saying that for a while now.. I guess I still get the sense that you still expect me to belong to you.
So this is me putting in my request to the Director of Metaphysical Feelings and Unspoken Agreements to terminate all expectancies and entitlements remaining in our file. I'm not even sure we still have a file.. But if we do it's hereby nullified.
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As I it so far, we have roughly this exchange going on P1: Our play can hurt sometimes. P2. It hurt you, but it doesn't hurt me. Now shut the fuck up. That's one fucked up bdsm scene, in my opinion. And it's a sad statement about our (in)ability to act as participants, let alone experts, in consensual anything. Right now the best that can be said is that we're good at being a bad example. I we can bring this back to some kind of center. And while I'm motivated to write this because of the current discussion about how to deal with the more graphic content, it's actually been a problem here for longer than that, at least to me. There's been a really unpleasant thread of just out and out shitty behavior here for at least the past month. A good example is when someone wanders in and asks an innocent or even totally ignorant question, there seems to be almost a koi-like feeding frenzy to who can be the first and meanest to ridicule them with "that's not kinky" or "take it to the rofo" or "learn to use e." I don't know what's triggered this kind of behavior, but even before this discussion it was almost enough to have me simply stop participating here. There's bdsm, and then there's *just plain violence*, and we seem to be having real trouble recognizing where the boundary is. I we keep talking about it enough to be able to find it again and get back on the rght side of it.. Suggestions to follow later, if anyone wants them. married guy for a confidant
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