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Thanks for the proofreading at no cost to me, haha. I should've stated: Growing up causes of us to internalize the pain and criticism targeted our way by those who have no real stake in our lives. That internalized suppression of embarassment or outrage or sadness hardens when those close to us respond warily to our inherent sexuality or perceived identity defect; a tumor is born after the constant, unwarranted critique becomes too much, most times requiring psycho-therapy to halt its growth and shrink its impact on our individual lives. But when we let that emotional malignancy go without recognition of its negative effects on life, it taints the way we ourselves, obviously, but unfortunately it warps our perceptions of those around us. It's like a world where you always believed (and were taught) that pixie dust is the magical ingredient in gasoline that runs our cars. Your reality is skewed and skewered and leads to paranoia towards most things once the wool has been from your eyes about the ridiculous lie given to you about real life from people in all circles. The last paragraph of my initial rant was poorly constructed. But now given a second shot at it, I sense more how difficult it is for people tormented by inferiority complexes set in effect over years of unhealthy feedback about yourself to cope. You aren't the right gender or are damned with the wrong sexual tendency or display too much or too little skin pigment drumming up criticism about your core identity inextricably tied to your personality and the lens through which you view life. I guess if we stop hating ourselves, singularly, we have a better to treat others in this world acting as innocent bystanders to our lives with respect and kindness and some civility. Hate yourself, bottle the hurt, refuse to examine the emotional handicaps within and you'll be the next person to prompt someone like me to rant, digress, and rant some more about the subtle things humans do to tear down others. Addendum: Christ, thank you for braving that stream of hypothetical thought. I think I needed to clear a blockage or something. Gilbert Plains, Manitoba professional looking for a good real girlyou are as a person and they accept that you are you a lesbian, then why would they want you to be something you're not (or appear as something you're not) for their? It seems like maybe they really aren't % ok with it not enough anyway, not to make an issue out of it and ask you not to have obvious PDA in front of her. What are they trying to protect her from you? knowledge? life? I could understand if they want to tell her on their own or in their own way but she's 10 already and are they going to wait until she's an adult before they let her in on the big "secret"? That only reinforces the idea that it's something to hide or lie about this is your life and who you are. If they you then they all of you and wouldn't ask you to pretend to be something for their convenience (of not having to tell their that there are more than 2 ways to -). it seems like this is something that is on your mind..and should be! maybe you can discuss this with both of them you shouldn't have to bear the burden of these feelings on your own especially since they created them. Let them know how you feel and how their request made you feel if nothing at least they might be able to open their minds a bit. In my experience, most people who say things like this aren't acting in a malicious way they probably didn't realize the effect this would have on you but they should know. Otherwise you have a wall between you and them and they won't know what it's about and maybe assume it's from something totally unrelated. good luck! mature xxx
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