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I am the one who left. We lived like a brother and sister and I can honestly say I am happier now than I have been my whole life. It's been awhile, almost 2 years. I have a life and boyfriend , he has a life and girlfriend. But the guilt that he was not ready eats me up. He did not want to be a single dad doing this on his own. He wanted a family , retirement and the whole nine yards. I was drowning and needed to be a good parent to my boys , which I am now. He lives 2 away and is a great dad , I feel I am a great mom. It just makes me sad when I drive over to a beautiful house I made him buy ( that he didn't want ) and I drop off my clothes and stuffed for the next few days and his reflection in the window doing this alone. This was my best friend and we just battled each other when the end was near He was angry, harassed me and I fought back to defend myself. How can you feel so happy and so sad at the same time ? That is something that eats at me daily. I hear the horror stories so I am not feeling sorry for myself. There was no cheating, no leaving me with to support on my own .. none of that. Just one that wanted out and the guilt I feel at times for not loving him the way he deserved haunts me. We were together for 14 years , bought houses together , had together. ect. I just couldn't do it. How do you get over hurting someone who is a good person and I am not referrring to the harassment during divorce. He did that out of anger. I actually took it in for a time and felt like I deserved it for leaving. We have no drama , just parent our and communicate but I am guilt ridden and it is a feeling that won't go away. Fort Wayne Indiana girls who fucka a total of 6 years, so I was used to being by myself, but when my ex and I split there was quite a bit of fear that something bad would happen. I had mace, a knife with hooks for your fingers so you don't cut yourself, and a taser all on my nightstand. My friends were even more worried, so my ex next door neighbor was always checking on me. I'm on a first name basis with quite a few of the in my neighborhood, which is a good thing because they can just laugh at me. Like the night I ed because I heard something at the window and it turned out to be a raccoon. Or even better, and this wasn't that ago I heard a noise and came upstairs, turned on the porch light and peeked out the blinds. Decided to stay up for a few minutes and smoke a cig. Next thing I knew there were two huge crashes on my front door like someone was slamming into it. I ed the, hiding in a room where I could lock the door, I was crying, they were staying on the phone with me until a car could get there. Finally I peeked out the window and realized I had just ed the cops on the paper boy. The noise was from where he threw the newspapers against the front door papers so they were really heavy. I took some razzing over that one. adult flirting
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