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we met for drinks, i was nervous, wasn't sure, if we were going to fight; or get heated, but we didn't. I acutally made her laugh. my ex and I left each other with a bittersweet smile. with the exchange of our things, its over! lots of hugs and kisses. she doesn't want it to end, but, I just can't go back now. to be honest, I her totally. now she's already met someone and are in engaged, and she's moving. i dont understand how she can move so fast, inbetween relationships. I've got time to wait and to heal. I feel horrible, like, i i made the right decision; I just wish, it could have lasted more than a year a few months. at least she drove me home and spent the last few moments, just talking and she wanted to make sure this is what i wanted, leaving it all up to me. i wish i wasn't at work 2day. need help with bills or just a discrete hookup"The fact he is coming out is not bad.. it was just upsetting that his wife was totally unaware of it." Not to trivialize the situation, but that line strongly suggests that her reaction is mainly a response to a surprise. Even the nastiest surprise stops being surprising after a while; or to put in in other words, if she gives herself time, she'll get over her upset. For closeted men, it takes a lot of backbone to come out, so the husband's inability to confront the simple truth that he's queer, a dirty fag, a nasty fudgepacker, and he's going to break out in a pink feather boa any minute that inability is entirely understandable. Of course, as out men we know that none of those pejorative remarks are valid (except possibly the pink feather boa part), but it takes time to realize that being queer isn't the same as being some kind of subhuman. From where I sit, the most serious aspect of the situation looks to be the husband's drinking problem. If he asked me for my advice, I'll tell him to smell the coffee, admit he's queer (in some sense or other, whatever floats his boat), stop the drinking and dramatizing, realize he's acting out all the lies he's been told about gays, straighten up his back, and confront the future with a smile on his lips. "Acting out all the lies he's been told about gays." IOW, he's giving power to the people who promulgate those lies; is that what he wants, to let those cocksuckers control the way he leads his life? A better reaction is cold rage at being lied to. dating woman
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