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ca65 old and gay woman looking for loveMaybe it's a "control freakout", but I just can't help but possibly this as hesitation on his part. He has been vague, indecisive, on the fence since day one. At 5mo of dating I asked him where we stand (bf/gf?) he responded: "I definitely feel like I'm in a relationship w/ you, I that, but there are still some things I'm unsure about". I said "okay" dropped it. Two days later, on his he lists himself as "In a Relationship". I had to actually ask him he said "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that- w/ you!" I was happy, but *sigh*. Then the ? was "Is he moving in or moving away?" 'Cause after I brought up that he should “think about” (figured I'd give him time to mull it over) moving in, he started talking about moving out of state! Tired of it, after really going over it in my head, I told him I couldn't do it anymore. I him, I wish him luck, but I need to move forward w/ my life. I was okay w/ that decision, though I was very hurt. After a year of "I don't knows" "I you, but"'s, I was fed up. He didn’t have to move in, but to suddenly start saying “I move to FL” after leading me to believe he had changed his mind (as aforementioned, he mentioned it early in the relationship, but then seemed to begin to make plans here instead). Hours later it was "I you, I think we can have a great life together", "I'm sorry I don't talk more", etc I thought "he's afraid of losing me or being the one left behind", but I talked it out with him- gave it a shot. Two days later: "I think my dresser would fit nicely here ". Within a week, boxes moving in. Now this. On the same note, he's talking about our next house /but he doesn't know if he can ever actually me. (Not that I’m ready, but eh!?) At one point, he said he didn't think he could ever move in w/ me. (He hates that I'm divorced, but has developed a great relationship w/ my.) So, if I'm feeling frantic, it's cause I feel I deserve him to shoot straight. I hate the knot in my stomach. I appreciate that he loves me has tried ( succeeded) one step at a time to get over his apprehensions w/ me (he was terrified of the at first, still dislikes the idea of my ex bein’ in my life, etc…), but geez! female wants man
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We already have a 6 year old. We have previously talked about maybe having 2 and actually tried for a couple of years a couple of years ago. That was then. This is now. He brought up trying again a couple of nights ago. Right now I have Merena, and IUD. I had to have this implanted due to my body making way too much estrogen. I was making so much that I was bleeding profusely continuously. It was bad enough that I ended up in the ER and the doctors office a few times. We tried other forms of hormones and none helped. The IUD has been great. I have had no bleeding since I had it put in in December. Turns out I wasn't able to conceive due to the high estrogen levels. I wasn't ovulating properly. If I have the IUD taken out there is a I could conceive. A, not a guarantee. It is also a that I would start bleeding out again. I am not impressed with my female parts right now. lol First, having the stupid IUD put in and taken out hurts like hell. I am not excited about that prospect at all. Second, I like having one. I can devote all my time and energy to him. Not to mention my extra cash. Third, DH isn't home that much now due to his work and occasional socalizing. I did most of the stuff when we had our and am not looking forward to doing all of that shit again. I like the fact that our is in school and I am able to function as an adult during the day as opposed to a care provider. Fourth, What if it's twins?! Twins run in our families and our generation is up for a delivery. I can honestly say that if I had twins I would drive my car off of a. The thought of having 3 makes me want to vomit. Fifth, I know that I am not the world's best mom, but I try. I still have inmprovements to make and skills to tweak. The thought of having to deal with that and a really overwhelms me. Seriously, my stomach knots up at the thought of it. Last, if I was able to convince myself this is something that I want to do, what if my hormone levels spike again and I lose the? That I know I wouldn't handle well. cont. need a friend w4t
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