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Thousand oaks married chat here and it would be best to approach from a moving forward perspective. don't spend too dwelling on what has already happened except to give yourself some key notes to work with. In terms of him disappearing for a bit you won't be able to change that. It's very possible he needs time to process things in a quiet and reflective manner. Guilt is a crippling emotion. You did not maliciously do harm. There were two of you emotionally and physiy in the situation; the error was a combination of things between you. As he is taking time for reflection, so too can you. Kink and BDSM are intense activities. It sounds like it was a significant error one that could have been prevented with communication checking in with one another on both the big things and the mundane things every day, since you him that often. Each conversation about wants, needs, desires and fantasies should be talked through to resolution. Both of you have to be willing to slog through it. Yesterday I had a conversation that changed my perspective on something I *thought* I wanted. I would not have wanted either of us to have figured that out in the middle of the scene/play/whatnot. We got to a resolution because I was asked 4 or 5 times "why". That conversation was pursued with intensity and I had to be willing to keep feeding my thoughts until I hit that 'oh wow' moment. If he returns is willing to continue exploring you both need to start nearly exhausting yourselves in discussion over your kink activities. After time you both mature a bit within your play and your discussions be more streamlined you'll make headway easily and comfortably. Even with all the best efforts shit is going to happen. We are humans being. When the two of you come back together you both need to start with compassion and. Return to a bit of vanilla while you work through what happened and how to prevent it. He needs to be reminded of the way your touch and ministrations make him feel and why he puts his trust in you. You need to feel comfortable that he still trusts you. Most importantly to tell you everything even to stop you in the middle of play. have sex Panguitch
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