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I had huge crushes on women celebrities the same age as or slightly older than my own mother all the way growing up. I had a crush on my 6th 8th grade math teacher. The kicker is, I didn't recognize these as sexual/romantic until I realized I was bisexual in my 20s. I was always bisexual, but for some reason it never occurred to me that actually "wanted" these women. I opened up to 3somes in my mid 20s and in the next couple of years had my first lesbian relationship (although we were both bi) with a woman who is basiy the same age as my mom (she's 2 weeks older) So basiy, I have no idea :P yellow Chambersburg lonely woman shirtI've been with my great for 4+ years, married now almost a year. All is great.. I've noticed a trigger for myself, he went on a trip to his family this year and last year, I couldn't go. But both times left me upset, and with very atypical-for-me, depressed abandonment issues. I didn't tell him, because I didn't understand why I was having those feelings. Knew he was perfectly justified in going. So I started journaling, trying to figure out my prob and learned I have some residual childhood things to deal with. Borderline personality and bipolar mom. Anyway, I finally told hubby I want to work through some of this stuff, we decided to read "the languages" together. I flipped to the back and noticed a particular question that says, share your best and worst childhood memory. Well, my worst is that I was date raped- (my first sexual encounter) when I was 17 by my own boyfriend of 6 months, which obviously ended the relationship. And I learned he had already been seeing another woman by the time he did that. So at the time, I wrote about it in my journal. My borderline personality mother sneaked around and read my diary and misinterpreted, thought I was having a normal sexually active relationship. I didn't tell her what happened because I thought she wouldn't believe me. And for months she ed me a whore, , said she hated me, I would never be as good as my sister blah blah blah I ended up suicidal to the point of making intricate plans. Anyway, I know this is some of what I need to work through, plus more. I'm worried about telling hubby this he is just barely grasping a notion that my mom might have been challenging to deal with, he doesn't understand what I've tried to tell him about her mental probs. She's on meds now and rather sweet. I hear guys don't want to hear about their wives past sexual experiences/drama etc. Do I tell him or not tell him this. I can't deal with him not understanding/not believing/judging, etc. He is a reserved guy, nice. This is totally different than anything he knows about me, I'm a professional, very independent, calm, happy, I'd say normal :) Thanks for reading all this.. any input greatly appreciated. singles looking for sex
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