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I now fund myself in this situation. Granted we have sex maybe 1 or 2 times a month. I do my part with the marriage and the kids. I am the one who does the cooking as well as the exterior house work and some other inside work. I work full time. That being said I have tried every way to spice things up. Before I go further I do compliment her with no interest in getting something in return. Ok, back to the spice part..I have tried renting steamy movies, buying butually "pleasing" toys, tried new things in the bed. They have ALL been shot down. Occasionally she opens up a little like she is doing me a favor or, as she says, "I am trying see".
So I amdit that I am very frustrated in my marriage from a sex standpoint. I love my wife and my life but I need more from her and she is unwilling or incapable of giving me what I want. I give her everything she needs and wants. I ask her if I am unsure so I know ALL her needs are met.
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Have you ever tried to research your family history or is it something you'd like to do sometime? Although I've never wanted to how far back I can get with my family history there are a couple of things I'm curious about. On my mother's side,where did her family come from? I know where they were all living around (-,England) but don't think they had originated there. There's an oddity about my father's name. His mother was 'in service'(a servant in a big house) and unmarried when she became pregnant with my father and was sent to the other end of the country to give birth(he was always ashamed of being born illegitimate,that was a big deal back in the s and '30s). So if she was unmarried how come he has her maiden name as one of his middle names and he has a different surname? Maybe she got married straight after having him. Maybe when I retire from work I'll have the time to do some research. married and flirting in Gilman
It had $ and that is only because there was a direct deposit of $ the day we checked. Not one dime of the SSA money has ever been deposited into this account. Basiy the CS money is deposited into his account (the State of Oregon forced her into that) and then she withdraws it. When we last voice chatted over the Internet, the ex said that if he stayed with her, he would have to start pulling some of his own weight (meaning job). Once I get the answer that I expect from SSA, my answer to her would be that he has been to the tune of over $ per month. I did slip when talking to our during a discussion we were having about how he wants to have relationships with girls/women (I them girls because he is still my boy). I told him that I have no bad feeling toward the firefighter his mother has been seeing for maybe 3 years now, but that there was one of her "friends" that if I saw him I would probably shoot him. He thought for a second and asked if it was the farrier. I told him yes. He then took another few seconds then asked "there wasn't any cheating, was there?" I closed my eyes and thought "Oh shit!!!!!!!!" So now he knows and I he doesn't tell his mother this. After all of the discussion, we both felt good about it and I tried my best to help him. I told him that you are going through the same shit that I did and "I'm sorry." I told him that the one difference was that I would get angry at God, whereas he starts off sad and then it becomes anger which he turns inward. I told him that we both need to find other ways of dealing with the situation. Oh well, let the bashing begin. looking for a bored married gala book ed: "ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life" I began reading this book to mentally prepare for a visit to my dad's place, to make the first dent in tackling the parental hoarding situation. I also discussed the dynamics of hoarding with a psychologist and read about it on-line. I've seen a few programs on TV. An actual hoarder needs to be dealt with differently than a normal person. Guilt, shame, nagging, complaining does not work. They have layers of rationalizations that don't make sense to a normal person. For example, a stack of newspapers might be ed "a work station". Mom refused to discuss the hoarding mess, she would disolve into tears and then not talk to us for 9 months if it was brought up. I agree with the person who said the outside mess is a reflection of chaos on the inside. This is a complicated mental illness, some cross between OCD, ADD, depression and such. When dealing with a couple like my parents, it is further complicated by his resistance to change (he's used to living in the mess), criticizing, and the co-dependent lack of boundaries set in place over a 60 year marriage. My mother passed in so we are now facing the hurdle and burden of the clean up process, with, respect and, a ton of and a lot of psychological tactics to approach this one step at a time. However, you said that the GF is NOT a full blown hoarder. So, reading the book is a good place to start. There are genuine tips in it that can be helpful to tackling a big mess. Book also covers concepts like overwhelm, micro-focus, setting priorities, etc. I prefer the strategy of tackling stuff strategiy rather than one enormous clean out. It be interesting to if GF takes any steps toward bringing better organization to her life. And I'd wait to if she goes to counseling. Learning how to organize her life greatly benefit both her and her. The question is, do you have the, respect and to want to go through this process with her? I you at least try. After all, sometimes people come into our lives to be a catalyst for change. However, if you are a super neat freak, or tend to complain to get a person's agreement or compliance, then I'd explain to the GF that you are opposites in this regard, it is a deal breaker. tips on dating
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