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The narcissist's guarded detachment is a sad reaction to his unfortunate formative years. Pathological narcissism is thought to be the result of a prolonged period of severe by primary caregivers, peers, or authority figures. In this sense, pathological narcissism is, therefore, a reaction to trauma. Narcissism is a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that got ossified and fixated and mutated into a personality disorder. All narcissists are traumatized and all of them suffer from a variety of post-traumatic symptoms: abandonment anxiety, reckless behaviors, anxiety and mood disorders, somatoform disorders, and so on. But the presenting signs of narcissism rarely indicate post-trauma. This is because pathological narcissism is an efficient coping (defense) mechanism. The narcissist presents to the world a facade of invincibility, equanimity, superiority, skilfulness, cool-headedness, invulnerability, and, in short: indifference. This front is penetrated only in times of great crises that threaten the narcissist's ability to obtain narcissistic supply. The narcissist then "falls apart" in a process of disintegration known as decompensation. The dynamic forces which render him paralyzed and fake his vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and fears are starkly exposed as his defenses crumble and become dysfunctional. The narcissist's extreme dependence on his social milieu for the regulation of his sense of self-worth are painfully and pitifully evident as he is reduced to begging and cajoling. At such times, the narcissist acts out self-destructively and anti-socially. His mask of superior equanimity is pierced by displays of impotent rage, self-loathing, self-pity, and crass attempts at manipulation of his friends, family, and colleagues. His ostensible benevolence and caring evaporate. He feels caged and threatened and he reacts as any animal would do by striking back at his perceived tormentors, at his hitherto "nearest" and "dearest". adult party in Ashyaneh SoflaI think people who come here do listen, at least some of the time, to some of the things people say. Here's the thing: The only two people who really know the dynamics of the relationship are the people in it. We hear the crappy stuff because that's what people have a problem with they don't come to complain about the great stuff. These guys who "treat women like shit" do not start out that way. They start out as charming and nice as any other guy. Actually, they're usually MORE charming and nice than any other guy. These guys can what a woman's weak spot is and find a way to get right into that niche. As an example: I am disabled. I can't lift things. I can't walk very far. I've come to depend on my partner for those things. I have a difficult teenager. She doesn't listen to a word I say but she listens to what her tough southern stepdad says. THAT's the guy I fell for. The one who helps me and my kid and is an all-around great guy. I was with him a time before his mask of awesomeness started flaking away. When it did, I refused to believe it because I liked THE OTHER guy. I couldn't believe the "jerk" and the "great guy" were the same person. Anyway, I believe that advice does slowly seep in, once people filter it through the context of their relationships and sift the good nuggets. I think it takes a while but I think most people do eventually listen. female massage
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