Have you ever? Have you ever felt that you were at a place in your life where you wanted two things at the same time? .where you wanted, one, to be in a loving and committed and romantic relationship, that relationship that makes you want to skip and sing right down the street, that relationship where you say..Yes! .I've finally found that person who understands me and values me and I him and I can really settle down with this person for the long term future and I'm so excited and so relieved that I finally found this wonderful person to share my life with and two, as you're searching for this person that you want to find, that you have a right to find because you're worthy of that person, that you ALSO desire ..AT THE SAME TIME that you are searching for this person .a sexual desire that goes something like this .
"I'm at such and such and age now, and I'm searching for a great love of my life, and its taking time, maybe sadly even a lifetime to find that person, and WHILE I'm searching for that person, the days on my search are turning into weeks and the weeks into months and the months into years .and you know time is just moving on by and I'm realizing .how MUCH! I want to be sexual in a truly exuberant and passionate and joyous way?"
You see, I think we CAN have those two feelings at the same time and frankly I have a problem with anyone who would say that there was some great moral problem with feeling this way, which is why I get impatient and irritated with anyone who would turn up their nose to anyone whose heart was in the right place in desiring both of these things at the same time. I think ones heart CAN be in the right place in desiring both of these things at the same time and that, if one is a good person, and if ones heart was in the right place, they shouldn't feel ashamed or embarrassed or immoral or 'seedy' in having both of these feelings and desires simultaneously.
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The visit starts out very normal. I ask you the usual questions about your medical history.. your last menstrual period, are you sexually active? What type of birth control do you use? Then questions that are even more personal, but maybe still appropriate to a doctors visit, then.. an occasional question that is borderline inappropriate: "Do you masturbate often?", "Do you find that you're able to orgasm during sex?", "During intercourse, or through oral sex?".. Then I back off a little as I see you're a bit uncomfortable.. But always two steps forward, and one step back.
Soon I have you undress and we move on to your physical exam.. and again I become inappropriate. Maybe sneaking a peak over my shoulder as you change into your gown behind me while I'm reviewing your chart. My face is a little too close to yours as I listen to your lungs with my stethoscope.. your jaw drops open as you're shocked to notice: "is that.. a bulge in his pants?". Then we move on to your breast exam. The way I look at you isn't quite right, like a lion looking at it's prey, as I slowly press and massage, getting a nice feel of your tits.. "did he just do what I think he did?".
You're feeling violated, but it's happening so fast and you're still uncertain if you're just imagining things. You don't want to create an awkward moment by saying something. What if you're wrong, how embarrassing that would be.. "No, I need to stop this somehow.. I need to say something.." But before you can make a decision on how to handle it, I lie you back for your pelvic exam..
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