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actually. I know that lately there's been a bit more tension, and thus a few more "dust ups" than normal, but it's all a part of interacting in a community. The way I it a person has two options when one occurs: getting involved in the negativity that such discussions usually devolve into; or abstaining from responding. If you should choose option one, and go in with the mindset of peacemaking, you really are setting yourself up for failure, because I've noticed that when people get heated about things, the "innocent" bystanders sometimes get flamed too. (And I'm not just talking about here, it happens in life all the time). People do interact in a negative fashion (. fight) from time to time. It's human nature. For me, it's not worth it to get involved most of the time. I don't need the additional negativity in my direction, I get quite enough of that in my life already. It's not my responsibility to be a mediator. If you choose option two, you can sit back and watch, and think "this is the third time in a couple of months that so-and-so has had a hair trigger for what seems like no good reason, wonder if something's up", and you can 'em. Or, you can that this is the fourth time that so-and-so has done this exact same thing, and you can form a better picture of what this person's really like. I guess a big part of it, is seeing time and again, what should be a discussion turn into an argument because a poster decides this would be a *great* time to start with personal attacks. I know how hard it is to not just turn around and go "oh yeah? well you're a nambypantsed ass too" or whatever. Some people try to keep it civil, while the poster continues to do the same thing over and over again. Eventually, a person just gives up and civility and respect fly straight out the window. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the fo' is not responsible for the baggage each person comes with. It's that person's responsibility to deal with it in an appropriate manner. We can only be so sensitive and understanding about things, before everything becomes a no-go topic and we're left discussing unicorns every. single. day. married bored frustrated need funI am an orphan aged out of care who has always wanted a mom in my life. I'm looking for someone in their late 50s/early 60s who is willing to be nurturing and sometimes tell me what to do/put a boot in my ass. I never got a lot of direction in my life and there's a lot of basics I missed out on, such as structure and guidance, and, well, mothering. This might seem like a strange request, but I'm serious, and I wouldn't be turning to some place like if I hadn't thought of and tried other options. I've never done this before, so if this is not the right place to start a discussion about this topic, please let me know (gently) and I post this elsewhere. black women and marriage
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