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Wife and I met when we were 16. Been together mostly on, then off, through our teens. That was the early 80s. Things were very passionate. Mostly because we were in our teens. During our early 20s, we were commmitted to each other. Married at 26. Kid 1 at 30, then kid 2 at age 35. Things change significantly during this period. Neither of us are the same person we were at age 16 or at 20. At a cerebral level, we both knew that men and women think very differently. But neither of us took this to heart until a couple years ago. We're now in our mid 40s. Here's my take from my experience. Stop trying to convince him that you both need counseling for "your relationship." That only lead to arguments and debate as to what is "best for the relationship." Instead, tell him that YOU want him to go to counseling with you. You tell him that there is no point in arguing about this, because it's no longer an issue about who is right/wrong. You are tired and his agreeing to go to counseling with you show that he has respect for you, your feelings, and your opinion. Again, do not debate this. Simply tell him that it would mean a great deal to YOU. You are asking for a favor a gift. If he loves you, he do this for you regardless of whether he thinks it work. If he says no, then you need to look at plan D. out of townr looking for some funif he is faithful, kind, and willing to work things out. If the breakdown seems recent to the both of you and not a time coming. Finally if you both want to be with each other, or no (yes, that's not the case but if it wasn't). A can help you to put aside minor issues and create the want to work on a relationship and forgive each other. Now I give you this advice for two reasons: 1 by what you wrote here it sounds like what broke you up was a couple minor things and you both just decided ok, we don't feel like trying so we won't. Nothing was broken beyond repair and the relationship was simply starting to become stale. 2- I know first hand that my husband and I put up with a lot more from each other because our family is important to us. We had our daughter years before we were even married, so it's not as if breaking up required anything beyond custody arrangements. I don't believe there is much harm in trying. The situation is as it is now and, presumably, it not change with regards to a coming into this world in about 8 months or so. Lay out your requirements a relationship, counseling, starting over, etc. and listen to his requests and if you can work on this together. adult chat room
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