Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array Gascoyne sexy bitchesLooking for my better half This isn't my first time doing this so I know exactly what I'm looking for from the guys that I have met in the past. I met a few great guys but nothing was permanent so that's why I'm back! If your not looking for what I'm looking for then please do us both a favor and don't respond. No need to waste our time! Here is what I'm looking for: -nobody younger than because Iam not friendly with either) -non user -prefer non-drinker but as long as it isn't often that's cool are ok but no more than 3 if they are small -someone who sort of a night owl but not a must -someone that loves to laugh, jokes, and talk shit -no heavy partiers as Iam not a partier at all -tattoos and piercings are ok -must be able to take things slow at first -prefers someone who isn't African American like myself because Iam interested in getting to know more about the different cultures around me. And PS I don't have anything against African American men! I was married to one for a long time and no he didn't turn me off black guys if you were wondering -no dominant guys because Iam by all means no "yes" women. I have a mind of my own and don't have a problem with letting you know what's on it -you must send a with your response ( if any) and please no nudes. I am actually interested in face pictures if you can believe that. I could care less what your body looks like as stated above. Or you get no response! Please make sure you put "Too Cool" in the subject line! I look forward to hopefully finding FINALLY what I'm looking for! huge tits in Bucklin Missouri dating tips for guys
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