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I heard a lot of that nonsense from my partner as well. It was a defense mechanism due to her own shame and embarrassment. Please don't buy into it. You can't begin to deal with it until every one is being honest without attacking. and I felt for myself and for you that it is just not fair to treat someone as a friend but expect them to stay committed as a lover. It does not allow you to be a whole person in the relationship and it does not allow you to move on and find fulfillment where, and I don't just mean sexually, anytime you cut off a part of yourself your not whole. I also agree that some sort of trauma is likely but until everyone is communicating honestly compassionately and responsibly no change is possible and no change is not an option. looking for that controlling guyand how you're mind is racing with all these things right now STOP Really stop. You're at step one and you're asking about step 2, It's hard not to dwell on it but the focus needs to be at getting your ass to an attorney with the knowledge you do have and asking questions, real questions and planning for things to not go as planned, contingencies and sacrifice beyond what you want to do. Like maybe YOU moving out before the lease is up to get started or finding out you can file for separation and how. There really isn't any 'moving on' not in a sense where you wake up one day and it's gone, there's moving THROUGH it where you just accept it as part of your life and your past. Really, deal with the present the separation/divorce, the exercise and your health, your job, ect Worry about what you can do today to move to where you want to be, take care of it, every day regardless of not feeling good. This is a time when you spend all that energy you would on someone and you put that into yourself and I suggest ONLY yourself. YOU supply the 'happiness and fullfilment' not look for someone to provide it. Life alone does not have to be lonely but you have to make it. And yeah, we all wish you luck regardless of wanting to bitch slap you for some of the stuff you're clinging to, because no one wants you to fuck it up even worse. The choices are your's and we all know how hard they are. dating a single mom
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