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dwf looking for something real Risk? If you risk not, you do not, and you will have not. Profound words. Contemplative words. I am not expecting a response from this 'rant'. I just ask that you contemplate my wonderings. I used to be considered a beautiful young girl. When I look back, I was gorgeous. Not too short, not too tall. Long red curly hair, sparkling green eyes, not petite by any means, but toned and fit from years of farm work. I married young, had kids, was a devoted wife and homemaker. Often times I think the last 17 years of my life were a waste, because he finally left me stating he was done with family life and wanted his freedom. Brushed me and the out of his life like we were lint on his shirt sleeve. Little did I know how hard life would be from that point on. My self-esteem went down the drain, because the reality was that he left me so he could be with other women without the guilt of having to come home to a wife and. I had absolutely no job training or experience whatsoever. My were still young and I had no idea how to proceed. Over the lastyears I have managed to raise teenagers, and 2/3 of them came out really really good. I have found a career I love even though I had to clean other peoples toilets for awhile and work at a gas station and wonder what I did to Karma to be living this kind of life to get to this point. Then I realized that if I hadn't experienced any of that awfulness, I would not be the person that I am today. Confident, successful, oddly enough still loyal minded, and ridiculously submissive and mostly naive. Now that I am dangerously close to 40 and my kids are mostly grown and the employment situation is better than good it feels like I am coming out of a fog of sorts. I am still not too tall and not too short (5'6"), my hair is still predominantly red although now it is straight and cut in that middle aged length above the shoulders and beginning to show signs of streaking with startling silver, and am no longer as toned as I remember being even tho gl latino iso nsa fun with woman
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here's the up to the minute truth. i sent him an this afternoon (in response to his latest of flurry of wanting to rehash all of his grievances, tell me how much he loves me and hint at maybe coming back) where i basiy told him why i him and have felt confident about our, but that i was going to move on since he left me, but if he could get clear on what he wants and agree to counseling, he knew where to find me and perhaps, if i were still available and still had feelings for him blah blah blah. when i wrote the, it felt like i was being sort of vulnerable and stating my truth, but after i sent it, i felt sort of angry, and like you said that its maybe time to shut the door all the way on this no matter what. i know the part of me that's holding on is afraid he come around/change/be able to offer me all the great that i want (that he often is) and i have missed it because i shut the door. im really torn between thinking it doesn't harm me to say, you can reach out if you get your mind right, maybe ill still be here and saying done and done. which likely eventually lead to him reaching out and saying all the right things and ill have to just assume i cant trust him. he's not a sleeze or a d-bag. he knows he's conflicted and he knows he has to reconcile the part of him that wants to go and the part that wants to stay. i guess the fear is what i outlined above, that ill say no more forever and out on the of my life. its especially hard because he's so wonderful for much of the time, until he shuts down and runs away. it's just not cut and dry at least not to me. hello lady s i m back in watfordyour lack of critical reflection on the world outside of your ego never changes. If you think my arguments are wrongheaded then offer up some counterarguments like some other people have. This is a DISCUSSION forum, no? Or is it an aspect of your massive narcissistic personality disorder the expectation that no discussion need take place because of course everyone must agree with you % of the time? horny mums
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