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My GF and have had a disagreement about a subject recently and we both feel the other is being unreasonable. We have been together for several years and each other very much. About six months ago, I shared with her I had an affair with a co-worker before we were together. A fling,no emotional ties. The affair was wrong, my marriage is over and I have come to terms with the affair. (This is not about the affair; the affair is behind me and before her, not the issue we are here for help with.) My GF was not thrilled with the news. This topic came backup after 6 months becuase of a talk about double standards. Here is the sticking point. GF and I have separate accounts. In the past I have expressed problems with her being friends with ex-BFs and the occasional too friendly creep that post too much on her account. After telling her it bothered me she those friends. I also an ex-GF, but I left the co-worker. I don’t her as an ex, just an old fling. There is nothing between us and we still work together. My GF, who used to work with us, doesn’t like the idea of us being friends, or other since learning of the fling. Looking back on the time we all worked together, she feels the co-worker was still too interested in me. I insist there is nothing between us now. She asked that I unfriend the co-worker but I’d rather not. Instead I have agreed to block the co-worker from appearing on my wall, commenting or liking any of her posts and I told GF she could have my password. My GF doesn't understand why I'm so stubborn about not removing her and finds my resolve unsettling. I feel she should trust in me there is nothing between me and my co-worker now and there never be. I find it unfair she would ask me to unfriend someone I work with. It could possibly create an awkward work environment with this person I every day. Should other co-workers notice I've unfriended the fling co-worker, they find it odd. GF feels it’s disrespectful and inconsiderate considering she her ex’s and her feelings aren't being considered. We ask those here, are both of us right, or both wrong? What is the middle ground? Am I justified and is she justified? How do we get past this unwanted drama? girls who want to fuck CahorsI don't understand much of your post, but I want to try to help. You say you're looking for an LTR and you've been finding men to date who "seem to resonate with your new found energy." Yet: "I cannot find men around my age with who want a term relationship." And men w/out make you suspicious: "I need some assurances on why would these men were never married in the first place or had families" You think there's something 'wrong' w/ the men who've never been married and/ or had -; there's something wrong w/ the men who've been there/ done that, but don't want those things/ an LTR with you. In this logical loop, there's something wrong everyone even you!: "I cannot think like a. My thinking is little clouded because I am a woman." Frankly, I don't know any woman who'd ever say such a thing (esp. not one in her 40s but I'll remit my back-burner inklings, re: your gender ). Your 'perceptions' are deceiving you. Forget the self-betraying mess about maturity/ immaturity/ age; forget about (existent or not); forget marriage. These ideals/ 'plans' are disallowing you from getting in on the ground floor w/ these men. You come in w/ too preconceptions, jumping too far ahead in your mind. In this way, you cut these men (and yourself) off at the knees, and ultimately fall back on your old 'flight'-oriented habits (though they're manifesting in a new configuration, they're still there). Get to know the men you date think of them as new friends. Spend time, talk to them about their/ your interests, feel them out, and get a sense of their attitude. Learn about them on their own terms. don't try to define them based on airy nothings. And avoid discussing term goals, past relationships/ residual fears in the early mtgs. (It could be that the once-married/ men who have sniff you out as a desperate ring-seeker.) Keep interactions in the present. singles dating services
need some fresh excitement without damaging the (or yourself), start by reading up on blended families since you're already playing house. You might also want to talk with a professional who can help you two come up with ground rules. Discuss expectations and goals. Just because the ex is behaving badly, doesn't mean that the two of you should. Also, if he's paying support, visitation shouldn't be on her whims. The court can order that visitation if he wants to keep it. lonely ladys Palm Bay
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