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ca65 Boise city married but lookingI am the one who left. We lived like a brother and sister and I can honestly say I am happier now than I have been my whole life. It's been awhile, almost 2 years. I have a life and boyfriend , he has a life and girlfriend. But the guilt that he was not ready eats me up. He did not want to be a single dad doing this on his own. He wanted a family , retirement and the whole nine yards. I was drowning and needed to be a good parent to my boys , which I am now. He lives 2 away and is a great dad , I feel I am a great mom. It just makes me sad when I drive over to a beautiful house I made him buy ( that he didn't want ) and I drop off my clothes and stuffed for the next few days and his reflection in the window doing this alone. This was my best friend and we just battled each other when the end was near He was angry, harassed me and I fought back to defend myself. How can you feel so happy and so sad at the same time ? That is something that eats at me daily. I hear the horror stories so I am not feeling sorry for myself. There was no cheating, no leaving me with to support on my own .. none of that. Just one that wanted out and the guilt I feel at times for not loving him the way he deserved haunts me. We were together for 14 years , bought houses together , had together. ect. I just couldn't do it. How do you get over hurting someone who is a good person and I am not referrring to the harassment during divorce. He did that out of anger. I actually took it in for a time and felt like I deserved it for leaving. We have no drama , just parent our and communicate but I am guilt ridden and it is a feeling that won't go away. local swinger
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I have similar issues. read that book, a few other books, and been to lots of therapy. at a certain point, it just comes down to you. you need to be the one to do the work of change. the books help you to understand why you are the way you are, but i went through a time recently where it didn't matter. all the dark corners were uncovered. there were no secrets. all the mines were located. and i still stepped on them and they still exploded. because the mines were everywhere. knowing where the mines are and how they got there is nice, and it's required, but it doesn't really help you when the mines are everywhere. you have to actually change. and blow some of them up. and discover that some of them aren't explosive anymore and can just be picked up and chucked out the window. and it's REALLY hard because there are lots of times where you're thinking if i do that i fucking die but then you have to do it anyway. i bet that EMDR therapy works, though. the is a system and those mines and insecurities are really neauropathways that were laid down in your childhood and are still firing even though they're no longer relevant to the situation the finds itself in today. therapy like talking it out and EMDR is all about retraining the to build new associations and pathways. You find yourself in a whole new space with no mines and plenty of room. free adult chat lines ft Warsaw Kentucky
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