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I've been giving a lot of thought lately to the nature of domination and submission. I've always been somewhat averse to identifying as anything D/s it feels too claustrophobic for me, limiting but, the acts themselves one can engage in power exchange activities without existing in a predefined role or interaction. As a “meta-kinkster,” most of my thrill comes from watching my partner, the crowd the other. I read a lot about other peoples fantasies, and it occurs to me that I don't honestly have any. None that I think about constantly. There are a few latent desires that might cross my mind from time to time if the subject comes up but I never have anything in my head when I masturbate or dream of that next partner. The sum of my kink lies in a feeling in my gut a steadfast resolution to hit a particular high and make myself uncomfortable, or push myself it is interesting to say it that way but honest. When I have my trussed up and I am in control domination for me is a surrender to my base desires of the moment. That is the nature of domination for me a surrender to my own self submission is much the same a surrender to my base desires. Along with that comes an assumption that I have communicated with my partner, understand what they want (are willing to go through) and that they let me know if I am doing something unpleasant in a bad way or listen when I tell them they are doing something I'm not down for. Mental domination seems to be an entirely different beast for me though. Perhaps it has a lot to do with my past. With some people it is almost a compulsion I'm like a shark catching a whiff of blood in the water. Those people walk into the room and I can instantly feel my mental lips peel back over my fangs, spoiling to take a bite. And in that world there is absolutely no room in me for a submissive attitude. I don't have it in me to be mentally dominated. What is the nature of your kink? Is it a compulsion? A drive for a certain feeling/high? Is your kink more mental or more physical? If you engage in power exchange what is the nature of your domination? What is the nature of your submission? Do you fantasize? And if so how does that translate into your actions? xxx from Hatfield Massachusetts
Neither of us were internet-savvy yet (well it *was* 13 years ago anyway), or we might have wandered down that path instead. I'd been divorced , he was 5mos out of a serious relationship. Me 35yo, him 37. On a lark, I posted a personal ad in the newspaper. His was the 2nd response I got on the 1st day the ad ran. (Among about 50-70 over the next 6wks. I tried to stop it after 2wks, but the paper conveniently 'forgot' to remove it., guys had to pay money to leave messages, and my ad was generating lots of revenue. I had to threaten legal action, finally, for them to remove it. anyways ) I ed his number, and we talked for HOURS. I worked graveyard shift, and was nearly late for work that night 'cuz we didn't want to stop talking. He wanted to meet that night, but I had to work (and who wants to meet a stranger from a personals ad for the first time at night? I'm not stupid.) So we met for breakfast the next morning after my shift ended, and talked for another hours. (Waitress gave us dirty looks, as the lunch crowd was coming in. We left a $20 tip.) The next days we spent almost every minute together. Just talk about childhoods, lifestyles, morals and values, money, parenting, careers, goals, dreams, interests, politics, religion, STDs, families, everything. Seriously hammering out the foundation of compatibility in a marathon 3-day date! At the end he said, "sounds good so far, now the only question is sex." And it took another YEAR before we crossed that line until both of us were committed to a serious, 'permanent' relationship. (Aside: we both have low libidos, so sex wasn't important to 'try out' early. Other compatibilities took precedence. To us, sex was icing not the cake.) Anyways the electricity was rampant during that first phone before we'd even met. Next morning, I was swept off my feet from the moment I saw him step out of his Grand Cherokee, laid a book aside as he'd been waiting, wearing tight blue jeans, denim shirt, cowboy boots, and a black cowboy hat, with a trimmed beard, green eyes, and beautiful wavy shoulder-length hair. OMG I was done for. Dated a year while we tested the waters with each other and with others (all upfront), lived together 7yrs, married now 5yrs. My dream come true. local pussy in Nolingdykes don't talk to each other at orchid! you finally said something human! yes, dude, that does suck. and if you're single, it's very hard to meet people in nyc, especially if you're not interested in playing games and if you know you're looking for a relationship from the very begining. BUT, there are also other places to meet queer women in ny. maybe the bar scene is not your kind of crowd. i've never met anyone i'm still friends with in a bar. also, just a suggestion: "dyke" means nothing more than lesbian as far as i know. you seem to give it a negative conotation. don't do that, that's not cool with most people. dating side
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