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I want to tell my story and if anyone can give me some help or direction. Ever since I was younger I have always been interested in sex, when I was in the 4th grade I found my dad's porno stash under his bed and showed a friend and we thought it was the coolest/hottest thing ever. Eventually when I got to 7th grade one of my friends at the time was over and I showed him my dad's porn. I guess he must have seen that as an opening cause he started to suggest that we play with each other I was really iffy about it and he said that he would suck on my and I could just pretend it was a girl doing it. I let him do it and nothing happened until a few months later when he came over after school and asked if we could swap blowjobs. I was iffy again but agreed and neither of us came until we rubbed our dicks together. My parents found out and talked with me about it but considered it just me exploring innocently and that it didn't mean anything. After that point I had no sexual contact with anyone for a while. I had a fascination with porn throughout high and high school. About a year and a half ago, maybe 2, I started to watch "shemale" porn. Originally it was only watching a shemale bang a girl but eventually it evolved to watching a guy with a shemale and eventually the guys getting fucked by them. I also started to play more and more with my own ass when I jerked off. At one point I started fully fingering myself and using what I could as a dildo of sorts. When I finally came to college I was sexually frustrated because of my work load and came to to look for people to hook up with. Eventually after having no luck finding any girls to hook up with I started having resurgent memories of back in 7th grade and decided to if I could get my sucked by anyone, guy or girl. I did and then eventually I took the next step and found a guy that would let me fuck his ass. After that I sort of regretted it and lied to my friends and family about having sex but with a girl but using the anal aspect still. At this point I have been in contact with a guy who I am sure I am going to let him take my virginity. The weird fact of the matter is that I don't find myself emotionally attracted/physiy attracted to guys, just the thought of their penis. I am still very much only interested in dating women and still find them attractiv Deer Park Illinois naked girlsI have been married 21 years. I work, my wife is a house wife. Have two 16 girl 18 boy. Both in sports both about GPA We have ALWAYS been VERY involved in our lives, (sports, events, church etc) Very proud of both of them. I have discovered this year that my have become much more independent, IE: driving, jobs, etc Anyway I have been struggling with anxiety over our marriage because I'm wanting to reconnect better with my wife. She is very active in the church youth group, mission trips, service related projects, counseling teen girls etc She seems to always be consumed with something. Laptop in bed at 10:30 at night, with gobs of notifications etc None of her activities interest me. She is definitely an extrovert, I'm an introvert. Yes, I go to church, lead a men's study group but that's about it. My wife is not as interested in being as connected in our relationship as I. I fear our lives are or be drifting apart and we have nothing we share other than events or an occasional lunch or dinners out. My wife is happy. I however am not. I feel apart from things, disconnected from her and feel I have no traction in my marriage relationship. I am seeing a councilor, I quit coffee, I started working out 5 days a week, I am on anti anxiety meds until I figure out things. Any advice for me? I'd rather deal with my end and less my wife's because I can't change her, she seems not interested in making any significant changes at this point. Any useful advice is appreciated. Thank you adult sex holiday
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