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Here's how my divorce worked The first year or so was HELL. Everyone was mad at everyone. My ex told his family whatever he told them and, of course, they sided with him and my formerly good relationship with them suffered. It was a terrible time. Mistrust all around. I'm sure my in-laws built a case against me, ed me an unfit mother, dredged up whatever they could think of to reinforce a negative view of me. I did the same to them. I didn't want the near them, feared they'd kidnap them, trump up a story, or whatever. I hated them and was extremely threatened by their united front. Fast forward a year or two The legal stuff was over. Lawyers were out of the picture and my ex and I had settled into a workable co-parenting arrangement. Relations with my in-laws began to thaw and I occasionally attended their family functions. Fast forward a few years It was water under the bridge. I had no problem sending the to the in-laws, no problem talking to them. We were back on a good footing, which only got better over time. That's my experience, but I was active in single mother groups and saw others have the same experience. I you building a case against your DIL. I suppose that's natural, but it's natural, too, that she finds it threatening and is distancing. We're all human, after all. MY ADVICE: Be a grown up. Realize divorce creates turmoil and do YOUR best to minimize it. Realize it usually shakes out. TRY not to get caught up in the hysteria. Do your best to avoid saying or doing anything that make it hard for your DIL to eventually trust you and resume her formerly good relationship with you. My divorce was ago, EXTREMELY contentious at first, and, at the time, I'd have sworn I'd NEVER forgive my inlaws. Yet it ended up amicable all around. At one of the early family functions I warily attended, my FIL took me aside and said: "I want you to know I'm your friend. I always was and always be." Very healing moment, in which we both saw the big picture and both knew we had, at one time, allowed ourselves to get caught up in temporary insanity. It CAN be temporary, if you let it be. It's early in the process. If I were you, I'd make a point of keeping my nose out of the early, ugly stuff. looking for a lady to make out withI grew up with sweeping views of San and Gate Bridge from the neighborhood of my mom's house in the Berkeley Hills. Absolutely specfuckingtacular. I took it for granted. Until I plunked down almost quarters of a million for a standard suburban home at the peak of the real estate market. My view now on days is of my off-kilter neighbor's asscrack as he works on his car in his front yard. I kid you not. I yearn for the views of my childhood. A sweeping view of the San Bay Area from the Berkeley Hills. Or, if I had to stay here in County, I think I'd be happy with a sweeping panorama of the Monterey Bay. asian swingers
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