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First I want to say that this topic turned out better than I had hoped. It kind of steered in a different direction than I was wanting but was very entertaining and I found it very helpful. I have a new found respect for this forum and the people that post in it. Even you, QuQ. SF_Pervect_Man; thanx for the advice. Tips like that were just what I was looking for. With that said, I would like to add some details to my "story" because some posts have made bold assumptions based on the little info I had given. No where did I say I was afraid or terrified about any consequences of being out. I only mentioned that actively seeking a romantic interest while deployed is frowned upon. For gays and straights. We are here in this shit-hole country to do a job; like it or not, we do our job and do it well. A romantic, or otherwise, connection can be a distraction to what we do. But, we are human and it is difficult to suppress those emotions and desires. Speaking of those consequences. It is true that DADT is gone and in "theory" there are no repercussions for being out; it is still a sensitive subject with the military and is something that should be dealt with carefully. Its easy to be on the outside looking in and say, "Dont be a bitch, just come out and (blah-blah-blah) " Maybe for some people it is/was that easy. But not for everyone. I work with some of the finest and most professional soldiers I have ever known and, honestly, I dont think it would be a bad thing if they knew. I CHOOSE not to let it be known because I dont want it to be a distraction or even a topic of discussion right now. As for me being a grown and not having the courage to get a date with another. That is a bold assumption. Just like most people in a normal society, it can be difficult to meet people that you have a real connection with. That is why internet dating and dating advice columns are so popular. What is wrong with asking advice from another person? The hardest step for a lot of people is coming to the conclusion that you are. The next hardest step is getting out there with it. Its not as easy as just "growing a pair of balls." Lastly I would like to say; for a group of people that try so hard to be accepted, some of you sure are hostile to someone whos beliefs differ from your own. text single horney woman Franklin
I moved away from friends and family for my hubands job. I thought and hard about the move. I grew up in San and we had bought our first home there. I had graduated from school and was a Director of a state funded preschool. I did not make alot of money but loved my job. My husband got laid off and was out of work for months. Our savings where shrinking. Then he got two job offers. One in Texas and one in Auburn Ca. I decide to stay to the end of the school year before leaving my job. I hated not being together. I learned I would never be good with a distant relationship. I really wanted to be back together. My brother came and stayed with me for a while and that helped a little bit but it was not the same. I wanted to be with my husband. So I resigned my job and packed up and more up here. We have lived here almost 20 years now and it was the best thing that ever happened to our marriage. We where in a new place and had to rely on each other. Our relationship grew closer. I dont being in San as much as I thought I would. You know what happened my best friend decide she needed a change and she moved up here too. My husband works for a great hightech company here and has lots of satisfaction in his job. He gave up spending 45 mins each way in the car and now is just 3miles and about 5 mins away from his job. We developed a great support system here and I joined a local moms group. The moms in our group are still friends and my just turned 14 yesterday. You say you value family but seem willing to damage your husband. How is it in your thinking having your around their grandparents is more important then having your around their father? I get that you are upset that he upped and quit but did your really think he shoudl have said hold on a second and need to ask my wife if I can quit? It sounds like he was being ed on the carpet and was fed up. That you knew he was fed up and ignored how he was feeling seems really telling to me. He is the primary bread winner in your family and so I think that needs to be given more weight then you wanting to be around family. Ever heard of? You can maintain a close relaitonship with you family if you move away. You deserve to live in a happy intact family more then they need extended family. i want to deeepdick youI run a parent support program for a very at risk population. I deal with a lot of these issues, including issues around incarceration. First, I would NOT bring him to dad in jail. A going through this much needs routine and stability more than anything. Not spanking, not lengthy extreme punishment, not leaping from sport to sport. R-O-U-T-I-N-E. He need to know what to expect, and this takes time and a heck of a lot of from you. For most, it takes at LEAST 10x of repeating a behavior until it's internalized (and if you slip up, it's like you are starting from scratch), but for a with ADHD and ODD, it's going to take more. Jumping from thing to thing only teaches him that if he causes enough grief, you'll give up that strategy, ensuring that he'll do it again. I would highly recommend the video 1-2-3 Magic. Even if you don't go with that particular strategy (though I've seen it work wonders for some tough -) it has some great parenting tips. When I extreme behavior cases, there are a few area we always look at positive reinforcement (there should be at LEAST 4 to 1 positive to negative communication), routine, diet and exercise. You wouldn't BELIEVE how much behavior issues are tied to diet and exercise. If he isn't getting at least and hour a day of sweaty, breathing hard play, while eating a good diet and cutting out sugar, it be nearly impossible to make any additional headway. But the most important factor here is you. YOU need to feel stable and calm and in control and that sounds really difficult while trying to raise a with special needs on your own. I you seek out support join a parenting support group, get a good counselor, a parenting hotline, make some time for yourself. You need to take care of yourself to best take care of him. horney moms
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