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After I loaded my burden here, I actually felt better because for the first time in my life I realized one of my flaws. Nobody knows I can be sad. And now knowing others really care. Because of my personality, the mask that I built, no one expects me to be sad or feel down but expects me to be strong, excited, animated and the life of the party! I am afraid, now, all of sudden, to say to people, I am sad or feeling down. It would be much easier to say or show this to one person that I could "trust" which I do not have now. If I say I am sad to my family, they not understand because they usually think I am angry which is most likely my mask for my sadness. If I say I am sad to my friends, they not really understand too because they never saw me sad they think I am not being serious. The short therapy I had in in the past, none of them ed on my mask. They actually reinforced my external self I am laughing, smiling, that I am happy but just feeling lonely One of the reasons, I got the dog was to treat some of my existential problems. I was told I was not sad but bored and had no responsibilities. When people say deal with issues, I have hard time understanding that. I think my issue is when I am sad I do not share it with people. It stem from lack of trust or being afraid of being accepted. I think no one would want a sad person so I share my happy side and then I forgot my sad side. I am more sad alone than when I am dating. If I go lower than the trust and not being accepted issue, I hit a block. Not sure what to do beyond that. Why don't I trust people or afraid to be accepted? Interestingly enough, I make friends fast and deep and trust them. Deep enough to share everything. I listened to people's sad stories. People sharing their sad stories with me. and I listening and helping others with understanding where their pain is coming from. mature fuck chillit's preposterous and myopic to imagine it was the most devastating global event of the decade. Totally agree the media's annual week /month observations stem from and encourage a Copernican view of the US and further agree that kind of view is what sparked such hatred in the first place. But it's an event most of us shared. Plus, the top post was from a NYer to me, that was significant. I can't fault those who witnessed it, lived with the stench of seared bodies, and/or lost a loved one for wanting a little catharsis today or any other day. Unfortunately, it was a turning point we're still living with. A turn that led to greater division and demagogy crippling divisions, hate speech, an erosion of rights, protections, and concern for humanity that affects us, our, AND much of the world. The thread was an invitation to discuss that. I strongly believe it's worth discussing and TRYING to attention to the fact that navel-gazing doesn't have to be the only response, that we can and should go deeper than waving and get the ship back on course. And I don't much care which forum it's done on. I just want it done. You, yourself, link to all the lives destroyed by our senselessly destructive response. black girl white boy
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