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" Better not say that or she might get depressed." Actually I think a more accurate description was "better not say that or she might get angry". But he was like that with everyone, NOT just me. Always calm, always held back, always repressed. I married him because I needed stability and I saw what he did as stable. I was too to recognize that withholding one's emotions (even from oneself) is not a sign of a person. You know like those who go postal all at once? "You really want to focus on your spouse behavior and not on your own." No, I've BEEN focusing on my own ever since then. But omitting the look at him and who he was/is has hindered my healing from the divorce, to some extent, because I still him in the perfect image he presented instead of what was hidden underneath. in my mind, I know he wasn't. But in my heart, he still holds that image because of how I was treated by him. He was deeply codependent, care-taking and enabling and my heart still wants to believe he loved me, even though evidence is that those behaviors were to control the relationship. " You just keep trying to justify you breaking your vows" AGAIN NO! IT WAS WRONG!!! I would never advise anyone to do that. It was a stupid mistake on my part. And I don't it as a mistake ONLY because of the effect, but because it was UNLOVING and that is ALWAYS a wrong choice. Okay? Apparently I have to keep repeating that to each poster. "How is it you can be together that and not mature?" Because my independence vanished slowly but surely under the pressure of illness, depression and a husband who's idea of marriage was to serve in all ways possible. Have you heard the expression "- with niceness"? It's rare, but it happens. Someone takes care of every little problem in your life until you can no longer handle any problem yourself. Most of it happened while I was ill (gastric problems, panic attacks, vertigo). People mature when they have to face difficulties. He kept me from facing the difficulties even by lying to me. I knew he lied just not to me. And you seem to put forth the idea that one spouse having an affair means it's okay for the other one to have an affair without leaving the marriage. Is that really what you meant? fuck near Newburgh
Thanks for the proofreading at no cost to me, haha. I should've stated: Growing up causes of us to internalize the pain and criticism targeted our way by those who have no real stake in our lives. That internalized suppression of embarassment or outrage or sadness hardens when those close to us respond warily to our inherent sexuality or perceived identity defect; a tumor is born after the constant, unwarranted critique becomes too much, most times requiring psycho-therapy to halt its growth and shrink its impact on our individual lives. But when we let that emotional malignancy go without recognition of its negative effects on life, it taints the way we ourselves, obviously, but unfortunately it warps our perceptions of those around us. It's like a world where you always believed (and were taught) that pixie dust is the magical ingredient in gasoline that runs our cars. Your reality is skewed and skewered and leads to paranoia towards most things once the wool has been from your eyes about the ridiculous lie given to you about real life from people in all circles. The last paragraph of my initial rant was poorly constructed. But now given a second shot at it, I sense more how difficult it is for people tormented by inferiority complexes set in effect over years of unhealthy feedback about yourself to cope. You aren't the right gender or are damned with the wrong sexual tendency or display too much or too little skin pigment drumming up criticism about your core identity inextricably tied to your personality and the lens through which you view life. I guess if we stop hating ourselves, singularly, we have a better to treat others in this world acting as innocent bystanders to our lives with respect and kindness and some civility. Hate yourself, bottle the hurt, refuse to examine the emotional handicaps within and you'll be the next person to prompt someone like me to rant, digress, and rant some more about the subtle things humans do to tear down others. Addendum: Christ, thank you for braving that stream of hypothetical thought. I think I needed to clear a blockage or something. Paris free big pussyan old fable about 5 blind men and the elephant, or something to that effect. When each is asked to describe their limited grasp of perception on this huge creature before them, they each give details relevant to their own narrow range of perception. Each differs from each other. Yet each one is right. And no one with a differing perception is wrong, just because it didn't match someone -'s. I I described that clear enough to convey the general concept of respect and tolerance for differing people's viewpoints on life. sexy black women
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