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We were married for 13 years, got divorced and maintained seperate households, shared custody of. I was a drunk (reason for divorce) but got serious about sobriety while single. She started showing interest and we dated for a year, then I moved back in. We did not get remarried just because we felt like that was a jinx. We stayed together like a married couple for 21 more years, and I found out that she had been having a sexual affair for almost two years. She had presented herself as divorced and she got taken up on it. Little by little I watched her become a floozy and a liar. This time SHE was the drunk and it has totally ruined her personality as far as I'm concerned. I tried desperately to win her back, to get her to end the affair, and she repeatedly told me that she had, and that I was her only. I caught her red-handed times, that last of which I took a picture of her car in his driveway. I confronted her that night (she came home 5 hours later with her hair and clothes totally messed up, and she was drunk), and she said it wasn't her car! I told her I wouldn't talk to her again until she was ready to come clean. She said "whatever". I stayed another days while I was making arrangements to get out. She never once tried to get honest with me, and I left her 20 days ago. She is going to the bf in two months, according to my granddaughter. She tried to me for support, but since we never remarried, she gets nothing unless I do it voluntarily. I was being a hardass, no communication, no money, but the truth is I need those house payments made or it's my neck on the line. I'm doing a lot of hard thinking, but from my perspective, getting back together was the very worst 21 years of my life. i am very passionateIt's not your job to get your father to change, attempting to cause frustration, anger and resentment on both sides. Relationships ALL relationships involve acceptance of people's faults and working around them, not trying to manipulate them into YOUR version of who they should be. It isn't as easy as it sounds hence divorce rates, standing friendships that end, job dissatisfaction, and endless list. There is a part of human nature that wants to control their environment and you'll it every day. An example would be in the work place how often do we hear people talk about what they would do if they were the boss and question the actions taken. It's out of their control and they believe they know the solutions. You ARE growing and as you have your parents are becoming human and you're asking how you let one of them in on their faults. Comes from some good things like wanting to improve a relationship, thinking that HIS life would be better (very wrong thinking there but I feel it's because you care) and it comes from some selfish motivations. Like you putting yourself into a position of needing him and facing these things every day that isn't his fault, its yours. YOU are contributing to the breakdown of your relationship with your father by being there. Think hard, don't you have friends that you really care about that you wouldn't want to live with? Things about them you don't think are right but hey, they are a friend and you them for who they are you don't HAVE to deal with their shit day in and day out. That's no different than this it really isn't. We're not talking about or physical acts of violence here, we are talking about personality. He's still with all this asshole aspects they same guy who is giving you a place to stay, who had you do book reports, talked to you when you were - him for it and accept the rest and get out so it's easy. And for fuck sake, leave the rest of the family out of it. No more behind his back talk with the rest of the 'gang' who jump on board. Have YOUR relationship with him your mom and him are divorced so as an adult act like one. Get your place to stay, either deal with a roommate or realize if you can't because of an animal you aren't truly ready to care for one on your own. Hard choices adult choices. real women
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