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So, I return to the forum for perspective. I have been through hell and back over the last years since I first heard "I filed for divorce today, just FYI". It has really been the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with, mostly because I have refused to recognize the person I was dealing with was inherently evil. I don’t say that lightly because it reflects as much on me as it does on them. That being said, I am on the cusp of thriving. Realization of the true person is within my grasp, but still struggling with thoughts that perhaps somehow, some way I can glue it all back together. I am not the person to a therapist but recent events (- attempted reconciliation) have brought a raging current of emotions which I had successfully buried have come raging back after failure. So I went, and was forced into the realization that this continue to be an epic struggle until they are out of college. In any case, I was told to write down all my thoughts in a letter that I never intend to send, but after writing it and reading the overwhelming justification contained, I cant help but feel I have earned the right to send it. Probably a bad idea, but cant get it out of my head. The offending party keeps knocking me down at every opportunity, and perhaps the view from my POV help either force them to realize what they have done to destroy my life over the last 5 years or at least get it off my chest. In addition to that, I have been presented an opportunity to take a 2-3 year assignment abroad. I have refused similar opportunities due to my considerable parenting schedule (near 50%, but with the full CS nut). The are a little older now and are now engaged in activities which make the schedule difficult. I think it be time to catapult my career and stop foregoing huge opportunities. My foundation with my has been built and is solid, no doubts there. It just seems I keep taking the path of most resistance. Any thoughts or advice?? wanting real satisfactionis an odd sensation. It's more than just taking away your sense of sight. You can do that with a blindfold. But a hood deprives sight and impairs hearing. In addition, it can be somewhat claustrophobic. My experience with it was that I had to really trust the person hooding me to know when it was time to stop. I felt a small sense of panic the entire time. Not terrible, but it was there. I wore one in a public club in the midst of a bunch of people. I was kneeling at the side of the person who put it on me and she pet my head most of the time to keep me calm. I enjoyed some sense of humiliation (in a good way) when she talked about me with others. I liked that part quite a bit. She knew when I was done and let me out. I say go for it! Those small pillow cases like for travel pillows make good hoods or you can buy any number of fancy ones. Just make sure you have a way to signal that you need out. black woman
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